Wednesday, May 25, 2011

They lead me to Sainthood...?

Is it wrong that half my prayers are prayers of desperation?

"Oh Lord, please let us sleep!"
"Please God, don't let the car break down on the way to a recital!"
"God, can't you see he's driving me insane? Give me patience PLEASE?!"

I sincerely believe that I'm ok, really. Otherwise wouldn't He have sent these wonderful kids to some other young lady to mother? After all, it says in scripture that His power is made perfect in weakness. We have some amazing children, and I am humbled that I am chosen to mother them and bring them up to be responsible, caring, generous adults. It's a little daunting at times.

For me, the last year or so has been about asking for help. I spent a lot of my youth thinking I couldn't or shouldn't ask for help. It was a sign of weakness or something, and if you did ask for help you were just going to end up in trouble somehow. Sadly, I can't go back and fix that young girls perspective, but I can use it as a starting point to learn and grow. My children challenge me everyday to be better and to learn more about being a better mom (and about dinosaurs, my faith, why stars look the way they do, why we had Anthony before we were married....yeah that was not one I was expecting so soon). As anyone who is a parent knows, you don't have all the answers. Not even close. And I am reminded that everyday. It's a good reminder that I need to depend a lot on God for strength for each little thing in each day. With out His grace, I'm sure I wouldn't have the patience, strength, understanding, fortitude, (more patience), to care for them in the way they need to be cared for.

I love my kids so much. They are a call to me to grow outside my "self" and to be more. Some days that is so hard. But if it will lead them to where they are supposed to go, and if maybe I can grow and be better in the process...then I will keep imitating Mary by saying "yes" to God's challenge for my life.

(Just don't be surprised if I cry a lot along the way.)

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