I'm very tired.

I haven't talked to anyone about it, but Anthony has violent outbursts in the night. Usually he just yells or moans and thrashes about in the bed. But last night was the second time he actually was beating on me in his sleep. I woke up to having my face pummled and my gut kicked. Lets just say there are nicer ways to wake up. He never remembers, and always says he slept well when I ask.

Yesterday was a very hard day for us. Anthony got ahold of Peters Easter candy and from the time I took it away things just went down hill. He refused to get dressed so I tried to dress him. Usually he'll let me if he's having a particulary hard day. I got as far as putting his shirt over his head before he just went into tantrum mode. He walked around the house for at least an hour with no underwear or pants on. He's even regressed when it comes to going to the bathroom. If he has a BM he won't wipe. So you can imagine how pleasant it was to chase him down and have to clean him up after he went and didn't clean himself up. The only reason he even came close to dressing himself was because I was getting ready to leave the house and threatened to leave him home. I was actually walking out the door when he finally showed some interest in putting clothes on without kicking and hitting me.

Once we were out of the house and in public he did suprisingly well. He was pretty well behaved all through Costco, aside from the continuous whinning that he was hungery and thirsty and tired. He's always telling me he's tired. I'm guessing it's probably because he won't sit still for 30 seconds throughout the day! We went and delivered stuff to mom's work and then decided to go to a movie. I needed a break. I was having a particularly bad day. (In that I just wanted to cry!) So we get to the movie and he is able to sit still for maybe 5 minutes before he starts climbing all over the seats and trying to climb over into the isle in front of us. I had his harness on him so he couldn't go too far. It was just really distracting and he comes across as being a major brat. Can't argue too much there. Then he figured out how to take his harness off. This is very BAD! I was holding the baby when he figured out how to get it off...and he just took off running. Right out of the theater! So mom went after him and by the time I got there he was sobbing and thrashing on the floor saying he couldn't leave. Needless to say...I didn't get a break at the movie. By the time I actually got him into his carseat (at least 20 minutes later after all the fighting) I was ready to drive off the nearest bridge. Or toss him off it anyway. He was sobbing. Anneliese was screaming bloody murder. And I drove us home through a river of tears. He fell asleep 5 minutes after we got in the car. But by the time he is asleep or calmed down, I'm so exhausted from the fight that I just wish someone would hit me with a bus and get it over with. I feel like I'm slowly being tortured to death by my kid.

It's no wonder I'm having these migraines all the time now. I wake up in the morning with a headache and it just seems to get worse as the day goes on. There is a serious need for some sort of outlet of stress. But I can't exactly take him walking. And I can't strap him into the stroller I got him cause he'll tantrum till I let him out. I seriously have to have a day off from this or I might really go off the deep end...

On another not so happy subject...Mom called me yesterday from work and told me that our friend Fran called her and told her that my dad showed up at her house at 8 o'clock in the morning on Saturday drunk and crying. This is not so good. But at least someone else is finally seeing that we're not all nuts and he really does have a drinking problem.
An even more serious problem is that we think he's having memory loss. He'll call and ask if we need anything before he comes home and that he's on his way home "right now". Then he'll call an hour later asking the same thing like he never called before. I was just tending to get pissed, thinking that he doesn't pay any attention to what I say or that he thinks I change my mind as often as he does. But this has been pretty consistant for a while now...so I'm wondering if maybe perhaps he really doesn't remember stuff. I kind of don't want to ask. I'm sure anyone can think of a million reasons why I don't want to ask.

A semi happy note...I came home last night to find most of the dishes done. Less for me to do:)

I need to go pay a bill today but I'm a bit afraid to wake up Anthony. I think I'll just wait for him to wake on his own and see how he's doing before I make a decision to actually go out again today. God, please let this be a good day!