Sunday, June 05, 2011
Today, what a day.
Pausing in my day, before I head to bed. Taking a deep breath.
It was one of those days that was particularly trying for me. Everything started out ok. I guess I just tend towards being overly sensitive sometimes. Here's what happened...
We got out the door just in time to make it to church this morning. It was the children's Mass, so it was pretty full. Anthony is tending towards wanting to sit in the front row to see and listen to everything that goes on. That makes me so incredibly happy, his desire to know Jesus. But today, since we walked in just a smidge after everything started, it was already full. We ended up in the crying room as the older two went to listen to the readings and learn about Jesus. When they got back to us things just started to spiral down quickly. Anthony wanted to sit in front. There was no room. He wasn't interested in that, he just wanted to sit in front. For the next 30 minutes he went from being mildly upset and sad, to full on tears and melt down. By the time it was communion time, he was in full blow tears and uncontrollable sobs. I ended up physically removing him from the church. He just couldn't calm himself down, and cried/sobbed/yelled the whole way home.
It was enough to give me a headache. But I remained calm, and tried to remind myself about what the Psychologist told me..."He may not be able to control his feelings, and so that makes him act out even more because he can't compute how to deal properly." Yes, and this makes it a little easier to understand how it can go from being a little upset to out of control in about 30 seconds.
In normal fashion, about 30 minutes after he locked himself in his room under his covers he emerged perfectly happy. The whole thing makes me feel crazy because it's as if he doesn't even remember what happened. He has to be reminded of the consequences of his behavior, and that is upsetting as well. And can also result in another melt down. Which it did today. Sometimes it's not so bad. The whole thing was so...huge...that he made himself physically sick. And I was grouchy all day. I hate being grouchy. I try not to take it out on everyone, but I'm not perfect.
I just keep praying for patience and understanding. It'll all be ok in the end. Eventually. Someday. :) I'm just glad today is coming to an end and I get to start over new tomorrow!