Friday, August 28, 2009

Struggling and unsure.

I haven't shared a lot of my struggle with putting Anthony in public school lately. It's something that has really really been on my mind a lot. Mostly because I've been so unsure that it was the right thing to do. This might come out all gibberish...mostly because I'm having trouble thinking in complete thoughts...but I'll do my best to lay it all out. I'd love some input from out there in the big wide world.

First, I'm not a total anti-public school person. I went to public school for many years before I graduated early. From my experience I learned that I think I would have done much better at homeschooling because I had a personality that didn't quite fit into the public school system. I also learned to "just get along" because I was forced to. It's not a bad thing necessarily.

Anyway...I had really wanted to put Anthony into the Catholic School because he would get the goods that come with that-- daily catechesis, daily prayer, a God-focused education. But money and other issues kept that from happening. I have to admit, I've been very exhausted and having some help to motivate him to do something other than play games and watch tv was appealing in just sending him where ever. But I worried about him being sensitive, because he's very sensitive about everything, and I worried about the atmosphere he would be in at school. Which I might add was not so far off from what I witnessed the other day when I drove him to school and walked him to class. A line of about 40 kids sitting on the floor along the wall with one stern looking lady telling them all to be quiet or they'd get sent to the principles office. All I could think was "what am I doing???" I understand there has to be order...The whole thing is just painful for me.

There's just a lot of things that bother me. He gets on the bus at 7:15am. And then he comes home at 3:30pm when the bus drops him off looking a little foggy eyed and in a hurry to get in the house and tune out. I feel like I'm losing him. Maybe that sounds dramatic.

This evening...I can't recall what we were discussing...but he told me that when we die we go out into the cosmos?!?! Uh, no! I've taught him better than that. He's so easily influenced by "outside" forces that frankly it scares the c**p out of me.

I feel like I'm obligated to stick it out and see if things get better somehow. Very much wanting to start homeschooling again though. He was learning so fast, doing so much and doing so well. And he didn't have that blank-foggy-eyed look.


1 comment:

Susan said...

Trust me, it doesn't get better. If your lucky it stays the same. Eventually they get swallowed whole. I'm not saying public school is bad for some kids. Some kids really need that. Most do not, however. There are several free programs out there. If you'd like some help finding something, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'd be happy to help.