Monday, June 29, 2009
Lets chalk it up to hormones.
Kevin pointed out to me that I say "I'm going to run away..." a lot. I was trying to analyze why I say this so much, and here's what I came up with.....
I GET FRUSTRATED. And I feel like I have no release sometimes.
Just one time I'd like to feel ok just going off on a frustrated yelling tangent without one of my kids patting some part of me and telling me "It's ok. Caaaaaaalm down. Calm down." Most of the time I'm frustrated with them for doing something wrong. I'm really good at not smacking them when they pat me though. But recently I've come up with "Don't TOUCH ME!" because I'm not feeling well physically. Sorry kids. I love you. Really.
I keep having to remind myself I married a man who likes to argue for the sake of arguing also. He's even admitted it. He just likes to argue. He doesn't have to be right, but he'll sure argue with you until you feel like he should be right even though you know %200 that he is wrong. I get soooo frustrated with that sometimes because I could be totally justified in feeling really upset and frustrated about something...but he'll argue with me that somehow my being upset is totally unreasonable. Most of the time I don't bother to share, but sometimes I just get so gosh darned frustrated...rather than even saying why I'm mad or frustrated "ARG I'm going to run away!" comes flying out of my mouth instead. Sometimes I add "...and join the circus" but sometimes joining the circus doesn't sound that much better than whatever situation I might be in.
Now I'm frustrated because I've calmed down about something that was upsetting me and I'd like to talk reasonably about it with my husband. But he's gone again. For some reason work thinks it's better that he spend the week staying in the barracks while they are firing their weapons this week. I don't know why. I'm trying not to be frustrated by that now though.
I'd fetal-position cry, but I can't curl up like that anymore.