The last week or so it's been on my mind a lot a couple of conversations that Kevin and I have had about making plans without one another. Anyone familiar with military life knows what I mean. Sometimes the "homefront" gang have to make decisions without the pack leader. It can be challenging especially when decisions that get made aren't agreed upon by the absent party. And it's taken me only four years to start to understand a little more clearly that maybe the absent party gets upset because they feel left out of the loop. Unfortunately life goes on in those absences and decisions still have to be made. I'm trying to be more understanding. I try to consult him when I can, and I try to be reasonable. I'm also trying not to take it too personally when feelings get hurt and there is a misunderstanding. I can't be there when he makes decisions in foreign countries without me, and he can't always be here when I make decisions about things here at home. It's not really personal. It's just one party or the other feeling left out, frustrated...and anxious. It's not a perfect life, but it's our life and I'm working on it.
As is so often the case when Kevin is gone, I fell asleep with a movie in the tv last night. What's that one with Tom Hanks getting lost on an island? It's a good one for falling asleep to. Not a whole lot happens and there isn't a whole lot of dialogue to get lost when I doze off...It didn't take long for me to go out. I sleep pretty lightly though, because I'm always waiting for one of the kids to get up in the night and sleep walk around the house. So it wasn't out of the ordinary for me to wake up shortly after one in the morning. But rather than a kid in the doorway...there was a big man-sized shadow. I don't know if I made a noise, but I freaked out and sat straight up in bed scooching as fast as I could towards the wall.
And then I heard Kevin's voice. "It's ok! It's just me!"
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU FREAKED ME OUT!"
He had just walked in when I woke up. They decided not to stay out in the field last night. I think I almost peed my pants out of fright. I haven't figured out what to do...but I can't have him freaking me out like that. I was ready to beat him over the head with a lamp or something. I never even heard the door open or anything. Needless to say I was awake for a while after that. There have only been a couple of times in my life when I've been truly scared and that was one of them. Maybe I'll put a bell on the door!
The other day when I went for my prenatal appointment the doctor gave me some medication for my nausea and vomiting. Honestly I haven't been able to function because I've been so weak from starving and dehydration. The med's are helping tremendously, though I still feel really sick and weak. Yesterday I was able to round up enough energy to go grocery shopping and then come home and sit in a corner of my room and start peeling wallpaper off. (That is a horrible job, by the way. It's stuck directly onto the drywall, so the paper covering on the dry wall tends to come off as well. It's a big mess.) Anyway, it was quite satisfying to do something other than lay in bed all day. I've been refered out to a women's health specialist OB in town due to my high bloodpressure and past pregnancy health history. It's a good thing. I'm still chuckling to myself over them thinking this is my first pregnancy. I'll take that as a compliment. I still feel fat though. I'm not quite to the maternity-clothes stage yet. But I look like I've eaten a few too many (dozens) donuts, and I can't button my pants any longer.
I think I'm going to make my maternity clothes this time around. I've got some pants that I can put some t-shirt panels in, and I think I might make a couple dresses just cause they are comfy and require less bending at the waist to get on.
Now if only I can find a place to set up my sewing machine...