Concerns and worries.
I wake up in the night with all these worries about when Kevin comes home. Like him arguing with my brothers. This is really a big conern for me because even though I know he may be right in telling them things, (for example to stay out of the bedroom, or quit arguing, or let him be a dad), I have to live with them all after he leaves. I don't get to pack up and move across the world to be with him. I have to stay here and put up with everyones crap still. Things are not going to be easy, but maybe everything will go smoothly despite everyones differences. The boys, all except for Peter will be in school, and mom will be working. I just have to figure out how to keep things mellow between Kevin and Peter while he's home. Peter tends to butt in a lot. We'll see how things go I guess...

Mom isn't going to buy that house that I thought she was going to buy. I am disappointed. I won't deny that, but I understand why she chose not to. I just feel more uncertain about things now. It's as if nothing has changed, or will. I'm having trouble being hopeful. All that seems to be certain is that we are still stuck here, and I have no way out. And this baby is due anytime now, and I keep wondering "what am I going to do?...i can't keep living like this. I'm going crazy." I have nothing of my own. Everything is in storage. My husband is not here. I am alone, taking care of a brother who doesn't care to be a better person or take care of his personal needs, and this house is like living in a coffin.

This is one of those days where everything is just...wrong, bad, worrisome, and depressing.

I haven't been to Mass since Christmas and that really really bothers me. My prayer life is basically me crying out in desperation, "Please help!" I'm so exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally. Some days I just wish all this physical pain would just get it over with and take me. But I can't leave, I have babies to take care of and a husband who would be broken hearted. I know God is taking care of our needs, sometimes I just can't see it very clearly. This pregnancy is almost over, but it seems to be dragging on. The pain and pressure on my pelvis is so bad I can barely walk. People make fun of me that I "waddle like a duck", but I can't help it. It's all I can do just to walk at all, it hurts so bad. At my last appointment the doctor was measuring my belly and it hurt so bad tears welled up in my eyes. She had to measure from my pelvic bone up, and just her light pressure with the tape was excruciating. I try not to complain too much around anyone. I know I'd get sick of hearing about it if it were someone else...

Maybe the day will get better as it gets later. One can hope!