...

Its the small things.

2012-02-08T16:50:00.000-08:00

By now I should get it. You'd think.
~~~
Over the last few days of the kids and I being sick I've been pouring myself into researching into some of Matthew's behaviors. Allergies were first off my list. That's an easy one, I guess you could say. Cutting out sugar and all that has helped tremendously with his behavior. He's a much nicer person. But....There are still all the other things that make me feel like I'm losing my mind 24 hours a day. I've narrowed it down to perhaps a Sensory Processing Disorder.

I came across a forum with led me to a website that is all about treating and helping diagnose it. They had a 3 page checklist to help you determine if this might be something your child struggles with. Out of the 100 or so items listed I checked at least 70 of them. It'll be going with me to the doctor. I got more than a little frustrated with telling his pediatrician something is going on with him and having it poopoo'd. Twice. So I called the advice nurse and had a lengthy conversation with her about it, and she couldn't recommend much to me in the way of figuring out where to go for help. She suggested going to Anthony's behavioral specialist. If that's what it takes...I suppose that's where I will head next.
~~~
We've gotten fairly used to his outbursts, dangerous behavior, lack of empathy, senseless mean behavior. Lately he's taken to pulling my hair (out) when he's mad\frustrated. I'm not sure what this accomplishes for him, and I know he's just mad and doesn't know what to do with his anger. But the tearing the hair out of my head thing...yeah, not so nice. I should know better than to wear things around my neck that he can grab onto, because you better believe he will do the same thing.

Selfishly I keep wearing necklaces. Over the last few years I've not been able to wear earrings due to an allergy to the metals, (which in this case might be a really good thing), so I've taken to wearing bracelets and necklaces. It makes me feel good, ok. Don't judge. :) Anyway, I keep hoping maybe he'll see that they are special to me. Silly me. He doesn't think like that. He thinks, "What's that...it's different. I want it! PULL!", or he yanks out of anger or frustration. Beads go flying, clasps get broken. After three or four of them you'd think I'd be the one to catch a clue.

It really is a selfish thing of me to keep wearing them expecting him to catch a clue. I just want one small thing to be special, and to be mine, and to be left alone.

I'm learning to let go of the small things. It hurts sometimes.

Cleaning up!

2012-01-04T09:22:00.000-08:00

Our diet that is.

Having highly sensitive, highly needy kids it shouldn't surprise me that they're tummies, immune systems, and attitudes are sensitive as well. The thing is, for a minute you would just like to pretend that there is one thing that can be "normal". We all need to rethink what normal is though. What works for most or some should not be judged as the norm. Yes, I know majority rules. But when the the majority of my family has sensitivities....well, then sensitive is the norm because that is what my life is about--my family. That doesn't mean I'm not still working towards acceptance:)

A few weeks ago I decided to try out an elimination diet of sorts. Honestly it was out of desperation. Our youngest, Matthew, was making us all feel neurotic. Constant outburst (seriously all day, from one thing to another), tantrums, fit throwing, object throwing, meanness, hair pulling, food pitching, wall climbing, door slamming, awake until 3 in the morning, no going out in public sort of neurotic. Everything was a fight. I know 2 year olds throw tantrums, etc. I've plenty of experience with that. This was just unreal, and we were ready to rip our hair out. The other two kids were feeling this way as well. We had tried everything as far as discipline. Nothing was working. The pediatrician didn't take me seriously. I knew something had to change, and all I knew to do was eliminate everything so at least we could rule foods out of the equation.

The first thing to go--> sugar! Or as much of it as I could eliminate reasonably without clearing out all our cupboards and fridge. Doing just the little bit at a time has helped tremendously. Secondly, as much processed food as possible, and items with preservatives. Granted, I spend a lot more time thinking about food (which I really would rather not), but it's helped him calm down SO much just in the last few weeks. Those very simple things have made our life more bearable. He's actually changed from whacking you in the face when you lean to hug or kiss him, to hugging or kissing back, and being playful. Who knew there was a sweet (still busy trouble-maker) under those food poisons. Yup, to me they are poison because they make my baby be something other than who he really is. We're seeing that there is a nice, playful guy under there. We just had to find him! The effort is worth it.

Granted, we have quite a ways to go, but the difference has been amazing. We'll keep going and see what happens.

Hello 2012

2012-01-03T05:25:00.000-08:00

How quickly life goes!

I'm refraining from making resolutions for this year. Really, isn't the whole point to try to be a better you anyway? We're supposed to aim for that everyday. I figure more of the same is good. A concerted effort towards a better me, everyday, whatever that might be. Done!

Since I last wrote Anthony has started back in school. I was incredibly weary, stressed out, worried to tears, and feeling out of control about the whole thing. Knowing how difficult life can be for him sometimes, I was worried that it would not be feasible for him to go back into that environment without some trouble. But Kevin was insistent that it would be best for him to have some one else to help him, and me to have less stress from the constant fight it was to try to teach him and tend to our highly needy youngest. I prayed like crazy, and prayed that God would intercede as far as his teachers and friends went, that they would be what he needed. And I prayed that I could let go a little and have some peace. It's been a struggle for me to relax. It's been about a month and a half, and so far things seem to be going ok. He struggles to keep up, and to move quickly. That's always been something hard for him. He's doing great socially. For all the struggling we did here at home to get as much done in as little time possible...he's not far behind. And he seems to be catching up just fine. The teachers are being very accommodating. Thursday we meet with the teachers, Special Education Director and the Principal to put an individual education plan into effect. I have hope that it will be a good thing. They have his psychological evaluation, and now enough time spent with him in the classroom to help gauge what will work best for him. His teachers have been communicating well with me regarding his work and everything, and seem open to input so that is good.

I'm finally able to relax a little and focus on entertaining Matthew. He is super busy. He has to be kept busy to keep him out of trouble. It's a full time job! As any mommy will know, taking care of little ones is. He is like both Annie and Anthony combined, times 10. With a gigantic dollop of trouble on top. But, at least knowing that the other two kids are doing ok at school helps me to relax enough to focus on having fun with him and not just trying to tolerate and work around him. I really enjoyed Christmas break and having them home, and miss them all day. The older two seem happy to be back into the swing of school, and Matthew is happy having me all to himself. He actually sat down for a minute, with a board book, and looked at it with me. That is HUGE. Usually, the pages get ripped/torn/broken and it goes flying across the room or at someone. Progress is good. He's also becoming more vocal about what he wants, and I don't even mind so much when he tells me, "No Mama," because it's become a statement and not so much an out of control reaction. I love it.

Finding peace amidst the craziness, and loving it.
Happy New Year.

A day at a time.

2011-11-15T09:56:00.000-08:00

Each day is a challenge. It's challenges us each in a different way. I have to say I depend a lot on God's grace to get me through quite often. In so many ways I am deficient and unprepared for what life throws my way.

We just recently received a diagnosis for Anthony. He has Aspergers. It's not suprising to me, it just has put a name to what I already know was there. And now I feel relief. Someone gave it a name and somehow set me free from feeling alone in dealing with how different/special the situation is. Special is the only word I can think of. It's not bad, but it's so difficult sometimes to get through the day just trying to get the things done that need to be done. A great majority of things take a lot of time because he can't just follow directions, you must oversee, explain again and again, and point out things until he sees it. And then start that all over again the next time the same act needs to be performed again....until after the 100th time he finally understands and makes it a routine. God forbid you mess up the routine once it's established though.

To some degree I do feel that I have failed often because I get so tired and frustrated that I just say "Ugh, just let me do it!", and take over, letting him go back to the things he is obsessive over. I want him to succeed, but my patience runs thin. No one gave me an instruction manual for this situation, and so I just stumble through it all.

I just found this:

Dr Hans Asperger, an Austrian pediatrician, originally described Asperger’s Syndrome in 1944. The syndrome has more recently been classified as an autistic spectrum disorder. Children and adults with Asperger’s Syndrome have an intellectual capacity within the normal range, but have a distinct profile of abilities that has been apparent since early childhood. The profile of abilities includes the following characteristics:

A qualitative impairment in social interaction:
- Failure to develop friendships that are appropriate to the child’s developmental level.
- Impaired use of non-verbal behaviour such as eye gaze, facial expression and body language to regulate a social interaction.
- Lack of social and emotional reciprocity and empathy.
- Impaired ability to identify social cues and conventions.
A qualitative impairment in subtle communication skills:
- Fluent speech but difficulties with conversation skills and a tendency to be pedantic, have an unusual prosody and to make a literal interpretation.
Restrictive Interests:
- The development of special interests that is unusual in their intensity and focus.
- Preference for routine and consistency.
From the OASIS @ MAAP website.

It fits! I cried when I read all that. And there is more as well....
The disorder can also include motor clumsiness and problems with handwriting and being hypersensitive to specific auditory and tactile experiences. There can also be problems with organisational and time management skills and explaining thoughts and ideas using speech. The exact prevalence rates have yet to be determined, but research suggests that it may be as common as one in 250. The aetiology is probably due to factors that affect brain development and not due to emotional deprivation or other psychogenic factors.
The characteristics of Asperger’s Syndrome described above are based on the diagnostic criteria and current research and have also been modified as a result of my extensive clinical experience. I would like to provide a personalised description of Asperger’s Syndrome that also incorporates the person’s qualities as well as their difficulties.

... that children and adults with Asperger’s Syndrome have a different, not defective, way of thinking. The person usually has a strong desire to seek knowledge, truth and perfection with a different set of priorities than would be expected with other people. There is also a different perception of situations and sensory experiences. The overriding priority may be to solve a problem rather than satisfy the social or emotional needs of others. The person values being creative rather than co-operative. The person with Asperger’s syndrome may perceive errors that are not apparent to others, giving considerable attention to detail, rather than noticing the ‘big picture’. The person is usually renowned for being direct, speaking their mind and being honest and determined and having a strong sense of social justice. The person may actively seek and enjoy solitude, be a loyal friend and have a distinct sense of humour. However, the person with Asperger’s Syndrome can have difficulty with the management and expression of emotions. Children and adults with Asperger’s syndrome may have levels of anxiety, sadness or anger that indicate a secondary mood disorder. There may also be problems expressing the degree of love and affection expected by others. Fortunately, we now have successful psychological treatment programs to help manage and express emotions.

We're finding out there's a lot of help out there-- therapy, counseling, support groups. That's such a huge thing...because I suspect that Matthew might need these things as well. His "symptoms" are more extreme than Anthony's. One at a time...

Notes to my child.

2011-10-22T03:51:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it's been more than a month since I last wrote something down. Life has a way of carrying you away with it when you are not paying attention to things other than immediate needs.
My personal blog has become a less immediate need as of late.

I wanted to write down an experience that happened yesterday. But I need to preface it first.
When we home-school we learn Scripture and a lot of our curriculum was faith based. I had a reason for that. My education was not faith based, being in public school, and most of my faith education was either self taught from books, or just from Sunday Mass. I don't recall attending many Catholic formation classes either. But we were very very Catholic! :) I'm so grateful for the seeds that were planted in me as a child. It's true--"Train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it". Even as an adult we sometimes go "astray" from what we have learned as a child, but it still stays with us.

That being said, my concerns for Annie entering public school were very concrete. She and I have done a lot of character building work together. I worried about influence, how she would be affected, how she would be when she came home, etc. Very real concerns, and with those I've seen some change in her behavior and attitude when she comes home. Nothing to be prized, to be sure. When you are amidst those of a very influential age, with little guide from a moral compass for 6 hours a day is it any wonder that attitudes will change? She has to survive after all. Think of Lord of the Flies. There are some adults so it doesn't get that extreme, but it all started it out subtly didn't it? Sadly for myself included, I bent under pressure sometimes as a child...most often just to get people to leave me alone and stop the harassment. We all have our weaknesses.

Friday, after some thought, I printed out some ABC printable Bible Scripture Cards that I found over at icanteachmychild.com. (That is a great resource by the way!) Since day one of Kindergarten I have always put a note in her lunch box, reminding her that I love her or telling her that I hope she has a good day. Of all that goes on during her day, that is the one thing she can always remember and talks about with me later, that "I got your note, mom!" She can't tell me what she did all day, but she remembers the note. Fabulous! So I stuck the A card in her lunch box and sent her to school. When I went to pick her up, I waited to see if she would mention it. I watched as she marched out of the school in line, and smiled and waved for her to come. Her teacher-aide grabbed her before she could come over though, and I was worried that she had gotten in trouble. I couldn't hear what was being said, or see the teachers face, but I could see Annie's face and there was no response other than the look in her eye changed. When the teacher let her go (she smiled and waved to me) and Annie came over, I asked her if everything was ok/if she was in trouble for something. She said, "No, everything is fine. Ms.(Ican'trememberhername) says she liked your note and she loves Jesus, too."

Look at that....
"Just a little note"...with a big impact.

The weather matches the day.

2011-09-12T13:15:00.000-07:00

It's dreary out, and dreary within as well.

The day started out with the bus driver driving right past us and slowing down the street after she saw us, then she kept on driving. Nice! It's like people out here are missing a couple of screws. So I threw on some clothes and drove her to school real quick.

When I got back I started Anthony on his school work, which went ok for all of about 5 minutes. He just went into shut-down mode. First he cries. Then he hides and cries. Then when things get really bad, he hides in his bed and cries and inevitably goes to sleep. Today he fell asleep and slept until 4 pm. I tried to wake him several times. He wouldn't speak to me. He wouldn't look at me. He wouldn't uncover his head. You can't even reason with him when he's like that. I want to help him but he won't let me. It's exhausting. So today I just let him sleep. I get tired. We go through this or something similar almost everyday. I don't want him to fail, I don't want him to feel bad, I don't want to embarrass him (which he tends to think I am doing). I just want to help. But I get worn down, and sometimes I just feel like throwing in the towel. But that's not going to fix anything either! Soldier on. Pretend nothing happened? So hard. He tends to go from the depressed stage to perfectly fine in about 2.06 seconds. It makes me feel cookoo.

As hard as it is the juggle the doctors appointments and the other kids, (Matthew is a whole other can of lets-see-if-mom-will-lose-it-today), I can't wait for this testing to get done. It will be such a relief to find out what is going on so I can get some help so that he can get some help.

The other day I commented that I don't feel like I'm qualified for all this sometimes. Actually, most times. I just wing it. And read up on stuff. And ask for help, which tends to sound very desperate most of the time. You know sometimes you see a baby waving both their hands in frustration or desperation with a look of panic? That's it! I'm good at keeping it under wraps though. No need to freak anyone out. The downside to keeping it on the down-low...when I do let it out it sounds rather dramatic. I hate that. I hate drama. It's a catch 22. No one wants to hear about your stress, but you can't just hold it all in either.

It's a balancing act which I am still figuring out....I'll let you know what I have arrived.

In the trenches!

2011-08-14T12:10:00.000-07:00

We're all hiding in the trenches lately. Seems that everyone is going through something these days, and it's no different for us. Like my title says, "lifes little adventures" are what it's all about.

Today's little adventure starts here...
Just now, I opened my inbox and found an email from someone called Citizen Atheist. I felt my defenses going up without even reading it. Someone found an ad for my Catholic Mom meetup group and decided to attack! I find it's best to sit back and chill out for a minute before responding to things that get your heckles up. You might say something out of line, or make a fool of yourself. (I do that quite often, but I'm getting used to it!:) This needed to be thought through. Perhaps this person really needs someone to talk to, rather than just be argumentative with.

I don't go out preaching about my faith, (maybe I should, but I think I'm called to live it more than preach it). I don't argue with people. My nature is to be pretty passive. I try not to be preachy at people, as that doesn't get you far. I find that "Just the fact's, Ma'am" approach works well for me. You ask me a question, I will give you an answer. Direct and to the point.

I took a minute and reread the email. It had to do with idolatry and Mary. Ok, I can handle this. It's a commonly misunderstood doctrine, and more often than not what the party in question is talking about actually has nothing to do with the truth of Catholic doctrine. In fact, very few people go so far as to actually read about what the Catholic faith teaches regarding Mary and praying to the saints. Quite often what is said is based on assumptions, and we all know where those can get us! This is the third time in a month I've been faced with the exact subject. I took that as a sign for me to read up! Good thing I've got my links and books already open to this subject don't you think? :) I find this is good for helping my children as well. I grew up with simple faith instruction, and am finding that my kids have lots more questions than I ever did as a child so it's great for me to be able to explain to them things, rather than just say " because that's what the church teaches".

If you want to live something you have to know it, right? Well, if I want to be Catholic I need to know what it's all about. In one book I've been rereading (for like the 5th time), the author talks about how for hundreds of years the Church existed without the bible. What we know as the bible now was not put together until a long long long time after the apostles had died. Teachings were passed on by word of mouth and tradition. That's why "tradition" is referred to in Scripture...because there was no written word, the people were uneducated, and very few people could read. They learned by tradition and orally. (That's also why the Catholic faith believes that Sola Scriptura can't be the only way...because the Apostles themselves taught the faith without the written word. There is more to the faith which includes tradition, and which includes traditions that are handed down by the Apostles that were not recorded in Scripture.) And then lots of time went by and one of the councils decided "we need to put this all together so that everyone is getting the same thing", and so they put the bible together after much deliberation over what should actually go in it. There are books that were written that were excluded. Yup. And then when England broke from the Church by order of the King who decided he was the head of the church there, they took out some more of the bible. Did you know that? The Catholic bible actually has more books in it because it retains the ones that the King James bible excludes. Fascinating isn't it?

So much to learn!
Anyway. Catholic's do not idolize Mary, or the saints. It's commonly misunderstood. This link takes you to an article explaining a little about what the Catholic Church teaches about "worshiping statues". And this link talks about praying to Mary and that saints.
Just thought I'd put it down somewhere since it keeps coming up!

St Elizabeth of Portugal

2011-07-05T09:54:00.001-07:00

Click and print to share with your kids for coloring!

Seek peace and pursue it.

2011-06-27T03:04:00.000-07:00

Source: google.com via currur on Pinterest

The past week or so has been full of stuff. Good stuff, bad stuff, frustrating stuff, boring stuff. I won't bother you with the details. It's made me very tired, not so much physically (although that too), but my mind is tired.

Yesterday I had to make a trip to Wilmington to pick up some fabric, and I was listening to an interview with Pope Benedict. He touched on many subjects which are very important to people right now. It was excellent. But what struck me amidst it all was when he spoke about "going on". The interviewer was asking specifically about whether he believes there is a time for the Pope to offer his resignation. The holy father said that yes there is a time for that, when he feels that he cannot do what is being asked of him, or that his mental or physical abilities are not allowing him to fulfill his role. But, just because something is difficult that does not mean that it is time to resign. Rather this difficult time is a time to go on and to make our way through the difficulty. It's a time to remember that Our Lord puts us in particular places for particular reasons and expects us to rely on Him for strength, most especially when things look impossible. He said that when he was elected Pope that he said to the Lord, "What are you doing? You put me here, and now You must do the work because I cannot!" He said he begged the Lord for help.

The pope is an amazing man, and yet he's just like the rest of us who beg for help. I've found myself begging desperately lately. Almost as if I've been drowning. But He sends little messages to keep me going, like the interview to listen to as an example. My yucky feelings might not magically disappear, but my logical mind can adjust itself to understand a situation better so that I can tolerate it and keep going.

The goal is peace. Isn't it, for everyone? I would desperately like peace.

This morning I was reading my devotional and it quoted scripture saying, "Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all his benefits". He has the benefit of knowing I'm a wimp! But my limits keep getting tested by life events that I feel like I cannot handle. And yet, I make it through them. I'm often able to look back on them and feel some sort of accomplishment at having not given up. And grateful that He didn't leave me to my own devices. I have to make a conscious effort to remember to "Bless the Lord" for not forgetting about me and my shortcomings. If it weren't for Him I'd be curled up under a rock somewhere, crying like a baby.

I'm still seeking out peace, though. That is a life long journey if I'm not mistaken. If ever there was a race, I would think it would be to get to the "peaceful" end.

Dory comes to mind...Just keep swimming!

30 Days of Pictures

2011-06-18T09:46:00.000-07:00

I read about this challenge a couple days ago and thought it would be fun to try it!

So here is my self portrait for day 1.

Me, amid my mess of supplies. Where I love to be.

It'll be a challenge for me since I'll be in a hurry to get a picture each day. They might not be the greatest pictures, but it'll still be fun.

She said the "A" word!

2011-06-16T07:15:00.000-07:00

(Ignore the mess and focus on the boy!:)

It's not the one you're thinking! :)

This morning we met with Anthony's behavioral Psychologist. Last time we met, she gave me a Connors Evaluation to fill out. It was like 108 questions. Some of it didn't apply, but a lot of it did. She went over it with another of the doctors in the office, the one that specifically does testing for all things learning and emotional/mental health-wise. She said it clicked that what we might be dealing with is a mild case of Aspergers, but we won't know for sure until we get him thoroughly tested. But she said, (and spoke as if this is truly possibly what is going on), that if this is a diagnosis that it's a good move ahead to help Anthony to function better, and be able to socialize better. And it will be essential to have the documentation to take to whatever school he may go to so that he can get the help he needs to excel. He's incredibly smart, he just needs a little help!

The downside right now is that the doctor who does all the testing is moving to another practice and she isn't sure that we will be able to use her to get Anthony's testing done. So...we might end up having to go to Wilmington to another doctor if we can't arrange it somehow to use the same doctor that it was scheduled with. It's a little disappointing, the uncertainty of what is going to happen. But Anthony's psychologist is really advocating for him to get whatever help he needs and she's willing to do as much as she can to help out. She feels it is crucial to get an accurate diagnosis, and for that I am grateful. She made a point of letting me know that she doesn't have a lot of confidence in the other local testers. She said she has seen their reports on kids, and they are no where near as accurate and in depth as they need to be to help kids. I'm so glad she felt comfortable telling me that so that he isn't just passed over. We'll figure it out though. I'm confident in her enthusiasm to help Anthony.

Today I'm grateful for her in our life.

Sow Bountifully!

2011-06-15T05:12:00.000-07:00

I try to remind myself to do that.

"Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully." 2 Corinthians 9:6

I wonder what the Corinthians really thought when they were told that? When I think of Corinth, I think of the Gladiator. I can't help it. I'm not sure if the two are related, but that's what automatically comes to mind. Thinking about the Gladiator times, life seemed to be about indulging in things. Things aren't so different now, if you think about it. What can you get, that is better than what you have, and how can you make yourself look better while feeling good? It's a vicious sort of thing.

In my own life, I struggle a lot with a different perspective from my spouse very often when it comes to "things". He likes things, he likes to look at things, he likes to have things, he likes to be able to have things. For me, though, it's just not that important. I'm not better than him by not wanting things, by any means. It's just a different perspective, and I have to learn to be understanding. For men, also, things and providing things for their family is part of who they are and how they relate to life. Their job as providers is to provide after all. If they aren't able to do that, try to imagine how that affects their sense of responsibility. With gentleness I have to accept that his desire so often for things isn't a "self centered" thing, but a need to prove himself. We do ok. God blessed me with creativity which in comes in handy quite often.

More than a few times lately I've been presented with this quote about sowing bountifully. Naturally I think, "how the heck am I supposed to do that when there is so little already?" The thing is, when we let go of what we do have (which so often might be so little) God has a chance to work in amazing ways. Now I'm not saying that the letting go will be easy, in fact it might be physically painful, and you might find yourself feeling frantic for a moment. However, it's all about trust. Do you trust? I find myself saying "yes", with tears of fear and worry and ulcers building in my stomach. Try to trust and then let go! Remind yourself to take a deep breath, it will help!

Remember, it doesn't just say "sow bountifully!"

It's also says, PROMISES, you "will also REAP BOUNTIFULLY"!

Today, what a day.

2011-06-05T20:27:00.000-07:00

Pausing in my day, before I head to bed. Taking a deep breath.
It was one of those days that was particularly trying for me. Everything started out ok. I guess I just tend towards being overly sensitive sometimes. Here's what happened...

We got out the door just in time to make it to church this morning. It was the children's Mass, so it was pretty full. Anthony is tending towards wanting to sit in the front row to see and listen to everything that goes on. That makes me so incredibly happy, his desire to know Jesus. But today, since we walked in just a smidge after everything started, it was already full. We ended up in the crying room as the older two went to listen to the readings and learn about Jesus. When they got back to us things just started to spiral down quickly. Anthony wanted to sit in front. There was no room. He wasn't interested in that, he just wanted to sit in front. For the next 30 minutes he went from being mildly upset and sad, to full on tears and melt down. By the time it was communion time, he was in full blow tears and uncontrollable sobs. I ended up physically removing him from the church. He just couldn't calm himself down, and cried/sobbed/yelled the whole way home.

It was enough to give me a headache. But I remained calm, and tried to remind myself about what the Psychologist told me..."He may not be able to control his feelings, and so that makes him act out even more because he can't compute how to deal properly." Yes, and this makes it a little easier to understand how it can go from being a little upset to out of control in about 30 seconds.

In normal fashion, about 30 minutes after he locked himself in his room under his covers he emerged perfectly happy. The whole thing makes me feel crazy because it's as if he doesn't even remember what happened. He has to be reminded of the consequences of his behavior, and that is upsetting as well. And can also result in another melt down. Which it did today. Sometimes it's not so bad. The whole thing was so...huge...that he made himself physically sick. And I was grouchy all day. I hate being grouchy. I try not to take it out on everyone, but I'm not perfect.

I just keep praying for patience and understanding. It'll all be ok in the end. Eventually. Someday. :) I'm just glad today is coming to an end and I get to start over new tomorrow!

For My Kids.

2011-06-05T11:22:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year. The school year is coming to an end, and ideas about next year are swimming in my head.

This school year has been full of joy and fun, struggles and challenges. Annie is excelling in every area. Anthony is doing well also, but struggling. I've written before about his challenges. With all three of the kids with me 24/7 I have my moments of feeling quite overwhelmed, especially when facing Annie's need for constant challenge in her work, and Anthony needing special one-on-one time to get things done. I guess you could say I'm admitting that I need help! We started with getting Anthony in to a Behavioral Psychologist. He will be doing testing next month to check for things like learning disabilities, emotional disabilities, etc. It will be good. With all the challenges that Anthony clearly seems to be facing, and his need for special attention, I can't do it all! Kevin and I, and the Psychologist, all have come to agreement that I need help in schooling the kids. (Throw Matthew and his challenging personality, and constant trouble making into the mix, and I'm lucky to get through the day without feeling overwhelmed.)

The other day we went to our parish school and got all the necessary info to get them enrolled. It's very obviously beyond our financial means to be able to enroll them. But I am confident that if they are meant to be there, it will happen. It is a wonderful environment, with very small classes, and excellent curriculum. It would be perfect for both the kids. Anthony would receive the attention he needs, and Annie would be in a great environment. The classes are no bigger than 25 students, and most are around 20.

It is my hope and prayer that we will be able to manage it somehow. If at all you can help, we would all be so grateful. Just click the donate button to the right. Even if you are not able to help financially, your prayers would be gratefully accepted too!

Also, from now on, the money from my diaper sales will go directly to their school tuition fund. So if you are interested in cloth diapering, please do check out my other website to contribute that way as well! www.doodlela.com
I will start sewing diapers again this week, so please keep an eye out over there!

$200 by July 1st will reserve their spot in the school. Right now, that is my goal!

Some Monthly Crafting

2011-06-03T19:26:00.000-07:00

It's been a while!
We've been busy. It's the end of the "school year" so we've been catching up on work, recitals, and other necessary things. But amidst all that, I like to take a break and do something fun.

We've invited a lovely group of ladies and their kids to come over next week for a little craft and some pool time/potluck. So I've been working like a little busy bee to get things ready. These are a couple of pictures of the crafts we'll be doing...

First, I thought it would be fun to pick one saint a month to focus on and paint a little doll! The summer saints often get over looked as we're busy doing summer stuff. But this is a simple and easy reminder of their lives and examples that we can carry with us on our faith journey.
We'll be doing Saint Anthony this month.

And because Father's Day is this month, we will also be making the dad's in our lives cards! But the kids cards will be in brighter Spring/Summer colors.
It's a shirt and tie! How cute is that? :) I think I will be printing little ribbons of "Father's Day" instead of the actual ribbon-- too much work! On the inside is a card that say's "Five Things I Love About You!", and on the back are spaces for writing those 5 things.

I'm looking forward to the fun and so are the kids!

They lead me to Sainthood...?

2011-05-25T05:07:00.001-07:00

Is it wrong that half my prayers are prayers of desperation?

"Oh Lord, please let us sleep!"
"Please God, don't let the car break down on the way to a recital!"
"God, can't you see he's driving me insane? Give me patience PLEASE?!"

I sincerely believe that I'm ok, really. Otherwise wouldn't He have sent these wonderful kids to some other young lady to mother? After all, it says in scripture that His power is made perfect in weakness. We have some amazing children, and I am humbled that I am chosen to mother them and bring them up to be responsible, caring, generous adults. It's a little daunting at times.

For me, the last year or so has been about asking for help. I spent a lot of my youth thinking I couldn't or shouldn't ask for help. It was a sign of weakness or something, and if you did ask for help you were just going to end up in trouble somehow. Sadly, I can't go back and fix that young girls perspective, but I can use it as a starting point to learn and grow. My children challenge me everyday to be better and to learn more about being a better mom (and about dinosaurs, my faith, why stars look the way they do, why we had Anthony before we were married....yeah that was not one I was expecting so soon). As anyone who is a parent knows, you don't have all the answers. Not even close. And I am reminded that everyday. It's a good reminder that I need to depend a lot on God for strength for each little thing in each day. With out His grace, I'm sure I wouldn't have the patience, strength, understanding, fortitude, (more patience), to care for them in the way they need to be cared for.

I love my kids so much. They are a call to me to grow outside my "self" and to be more. Some days that is so hard. But if it will lead them to where they are supposed to go, and if maybe I can grow and be better in the process...then I will keep imitating Mary by saying "yes" to God's challenge for my life.

(Just don't be surprised if I cry a lot along the way.)

Loveliness....

2011-05-03T05:42:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when Matthew stops moving and is just still, I like to sit and watch what he does. Granted it only lasts a moment. If you so much as blink that moment of calm quiet will be over. That's why I am so glad I had the camera in my hand, (actually I had just taken it away from him). He's now 17 months, and boy was there never a more boyish boy! For a moment, while I was watching him there on the porch, I was afraid he would either start pulling the little seedlings out or push them onto the floor. Mostly I thought they would just end up on the floor. He has a habit of pulling or pushing everything on to the floor.

(So if you ever come to visit and are amazed at the mess, just know I spend all day following around behind him cleaning up messes. Actually, they are more like small disasters. He could make a mess of anything! Feel free to pick up whatever you would step on, or just walk around it.)

I love him to pieces.

Children's Claritin

2011-04-26T14:37:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure I've mentioned this before, but I am a BzzAgent for BzzAgent.com. I try out products for free, write reviews, and earn benefits by sharing what I think about the products with people just like you! It's awesome! I love getting goodies in the mail.

Today I am reviewing Children's Claritin Chewables and Children's Claritin Liquid.

My kids and I suffer from seasonal allergies. I didn't know that until we moved here to the South, where in the spring time you can see the yellow pollen clouds fly across the road as you drive. It's horrible. The dripping noses, the watery/itchy eyes, the sneezing, coughing and headaches. Having some allergy medication for the kids is absolutely necessary.

When we first moved out here the only allergy medication I was familiar with was Benadryl. The down side to Benadryl is that it makes the kids sleepy when you don't necessarily need them to be. That's why I started getting the Children's Claritin. No sleepy kids! The liquid is great, too, because it's dye free! Yay for no coloring! The chewables are good for when your little one is refusing to open their mouth to gulp down that necessary dose, (but we don't know anything about that!). Annie prefers the reditabs that melt away with no chewing required.

Good stuff!

Curly Q!

2011-04-23T11:45:00.000-07:00

I could never figure out how to trim Matthews hair so it didn't look like it was cut in some funky way. It would wave to the side in the back and look all crooked. So I decided not to cut it and see how long he could go without looking like a girl. Who knew it would turn into big curls!
When he gets out of the bath it looks like ringlets all over, and then it dries out to this afro looking cuteness. Cute, all the same. As long as I can keep the trimmers away from Kevin, I'll see how long we can get it, and if it will actually turn into long ringlets. I think it's so cute!

A Soap Tutorial

2011-04-20T06:03:00.001-07:00

I do a lot of laundry. Laundry detergent can get expensive, as any mother will know. When Matthew joined the family, and cloth diapering started, I started to think about even more ways that we could save a little money here and there. This got me looking into all sorts of alternative routes for everyday staples. Detergent was one I found I could spend less on. For about $10 a year, I can make us enough laundry detergent to last through all the regular laundry, and the cloth diapers too! The money we spent on detergent can now go towards other things, (and don't you know there are a lot of other things!).

This laundry detergent recipe can be found in many places around the web. You only need three simple ingredients that can be found on Amazon for about $10, or at your local hardware store. I order mine on Amazon just to save me having to drag the children into the hardware store! :) Oh, and you need a 5 gallon bucket with a lid.

You need Borax, Washing Soda (NOT baking soda, it won't work), and a bar of Fels Naptha. Grate the whole bar of Fels Naptha.
Measure out 1 Cup of Washing Soda, and 1/2 cup of Borax.
Put four cups of water into a medium size pot and heat it up, but not to boiling. Leave it at a medium heat and add your grated soap. Stir consistently to get all the little pieces melted.
Meanwhile, fill your 5 gallon bucket about half way with hot tap water.
Once all the soap is melted you can add it, and the Borax and Washing soda, to your five gallon bucket.
This is where I pause to chase down the now-naked baby. His latest thrill is stripping down and dancing through the house.
Duke lets him know he's in trouble and he better sit still so I can put his dipe back on.
Once baby is redressed, stir all the ingredients together in the bucket until all the powder has dissolved. I like to use a long handled skimmer to get any little bits out that might not have melted all the way in the pot.
Fill the bucket almost to the top with warm tap water. I like to use the skimmer to remove the excess foam as well. It's not necessary, but I do it anyway.
And there you go. Let the soap cool over night, and it will gel up. I add about 20 drops of lavender essential oil for a gentle scent once it has cooled over night.

To use the detergent, I use an old gallon juice jug with a lid. Fill the jug half way with detergent, and fill it almost to the top with water. Give it a good shake and let it sit overnight to gel again.
Use as you would regular laundry detergent. About 1/2 cup for top loading washers, and about 1/3 cup for front loaders. I have a front loader and simply use the little measuring cup that came with the washer to measure mine out.

On a side note, you can use white vinegar as a softner. Pour about 1/2 cup of vinegar in your front loader's softner dish. Or pour 3/4 cup into your top loader during the last rinse cycle, or into one of those softner balls that you throw in with your wash. Works great!

My sweet boy!

2011-04-15T10:07:00.000-07:00

Anthony is such a joy to me. He's my sensitive little man. He's super smart, concerned with others, and a joy to be around. He's special in so many ways!

The things that make him special can also be a trial for him. He's suffered through bullying without complaining, his being sensitive often times can cause him to carry worry and sadness for long amounts of time, and being "nice" has often times given him a great amount of anxiety when it comes to dealing with interacting with others. He has so much anxiety at times that it's been crippling. But we're working on things with a behavioral specialist, and she has been wonderful with Anthony. He loves spending time with her learning coping skills. She gets him to laugh, relax, and learn how to relate with others.

Today we talked about integrating him back in to a school setting. Along with a possible anxiety disorder diagnosis, we decided to have him tested for learning disabilities. Neither one of us think he has any, however it will be helpful and together with documenting the anxiety it may allow for more one on one time with a teacher or tutor. That would be great, because more and more I am finding that he really needs that one on one time and I can't always provide it with the other two kids. If we decide to keep homeschooling then we will have some good ideas of what needs might require special attention which would be easier to address once Annie is in school as well.

I must say, when it was recommended that we take him to the behavioral specialist I was concerned that they would just want to put him on some sort of medication. But it's actually been really great, and it's been more therapeutic than anything else. It's nice that someone else sees he's not just lazy or awkward, or being difficult. He's a many layered little man.

And I love him.

Preparing the way!

2011-04-05T10:27:00.000-07:00

Anthony is preparing for his 1st Communion next month. He is so excited and has been really anxious for that day to arrive. I'm very proud of him for the work he's done to get prepared. I hope it as special a day as he hopes it will be.

Being across the country from all our family and close friends makes big events like this a little bitter sweet. Family is so important, and often you don't realize that until they are gone, or far far away. I wish I could invited everyone over for a huge meal and music and a good time, but distance and time (and money) prevent that from happening. Often times I can only pray that God will provide for us what we need in those moments that we would naturally want to share with community.

The joy of laundry!

2011-03-08T10:55:00.000-08:00

What? you say.
Yes, that's right. I said the joy of laundry. But it wasn't always this way.

Being a stay at home mom and homeschooling the kids is a lot of work. Some days I spend doing nothing but teaching, and then try to catch up on chores. Other days I spend totally on chores, and then try to catch up on school work. Is there a happy medium? I'm sure there is somewhere. Someday. I'm having to learn by trial and error.

Here's what I'm learning. A lot of children nowadays are not asked or taught to do more than what they are willing to do. For a child, that could be next to nothing if that's what their natural inclination is to do. My kids love doing some things--like Anthony loves to help cook. Anneliese loves to help wash dishes. Neither would like to unload the dishwasher, clean their room, or do laundry folding. Because it's work. Well, oh my goodness, that is what Mom's life consists of! But if they don't know the importance of the work, they won't appreciate it. If you let the drawers get empty enough they just ask when you are going to fold and put away their clothing. I'm not the maid.

I'm not June Cleaver. (Sorry dear.)

And 6 out of seven days of the week the laundry room looks like the dressers threw up in there. I felt like I was drowning. Literally in tears I exclaimed one day "I can't do it all! I'm not supermom, or June Cleaver, or Wonder Woman. I NEED HELP!" You should have seen the shocked looks on their adorable little faces. Something like mom-has-really-lost-her-mind-now-what-do-we-do was what flashed across their faces.

Out of desperation I piled the couch high with everyone's laundry and went about giving directions.

"You! Make a pile of your clothes here!"
"You, put all your clothes over here!"
"You're not done just because it's in a pile! Don't move."

And then I very calmly started a demonstration on how to fold each item, gave them a basket to pile their folded clothes in, gave them 10 minutes to clean it up, and left the room.

Amazingly, they did as they were told. And I got to sit for a few minutes and enjoy my tea in silence. Yes, there is joy in laundry!

All that takes place!

2011-02-11T05:31:00.000-08:00

My poor, neglected blog. The last couple of months, even the last year or so, has just seemed to suck the words right out of me. I would blog, but I can't think of what to say half the time.

So many times I hear people say, "No matter what, just write. Even if it doesn't make any sense something can be taken from it." So true, and yet, still so hard. Often there is so much that I can't condense it down into something that might make some sense. So for my absence, I apologize. Life just seems to take me in all sorts of directions all at once!

A condensed version...

Before Christmas the kids and I went to California. We came back to NC in January and started back up with schooling, myself included. I started on my AA. My focus is Psychology. And so far, I have shocked myself with great grades. That is huge because I never did well in school. But I'm determined to set for my kids a good example of life time learning and that it is a wonderful and vital part of life.

Kevin comes and goes with work quite often. He is doing well though.

We got a dog. His name is Duke and he is a big baby. He's a three year old red nose Pit-bull.
The kids are in Ballet and Choir and they will start Track and Field next month.

The projects around the house are unending.

My hair recently started to grow back (it has been incredibly thin)...and it's coming in grey and white! So bizarre. The Dr. has lowered my medication three times now. Strange for me because I have no thyroid! Still trying to figure that one out.

Every so often I work on projects in my studio. Very busy with other things, so my art and crafts have taken a back seat once again.

Trying my best to roll with it all!

To being resolute!

2010-12-31T14:28:00.001-08:00

Perhaps determined would be a better word. Whatever the word, I am stuck on the notion of being a batter me this new year. That might not sound very specific, but if you think about it, it is a pretty challenging notion. It requires looking deep within and finding out who I am, both good and bad. I've heard lots of people would rather do without that self knowlegde because it can be painful to look at and accept that you are less than satisfactory in your worst critics eyes- you are your worst critic. But you can resolve to be your biggest advocate! Afterall...who can know how to love you right if you can't tell them what you want.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Encouraging words.

2010-12-27T18:21:00.000-08:00

Lately I've needed lots of encouraging words. This has been a very challenging time in my life lately...so I've been trying to surround myself with people and words that are encouraging to my heart. The following is from a forum I belong to. Her email was very encouraging to me with regards to how we raise our kids. Especially when there are so very many outside opinions. I take heart when I find someone who understand where I am coming from...

Carmel, I have been intending to reply to this.

We have seven children, 20 to 4. I say that to let you know that a couple
of them are very young adults, and I have watched the "clingy child" grow up
several times. I do not suggest that anyone else with an opinion is wrong,
or that I am the ultimate arbiter of parenting decisions. I am sharing what
has worked in our family.

Carmel, I believe that a "clingy" child is one who is securely attached to
Mom. I think it is evidence that you are a caring and responsive mother.
In that sense, it is indeed your "fault" that she is "clingy", and I commend
you for being "to blame". You are "to blame" for raising a healthy child
who finds safety in your presence and feels securely loved!

I carried each of our children in a baby sling for as long as they desired
it (several years). If I had to go out, I would either take the child(ren)
along, or go out *briefly* without them, but leave them in the loving care
of a trusted person (you have your older daughter-- what a blessing you all
are to each other!). I spent at least a couple of hours each day giving
them "focused attention": playing with them, reading to them, listening to
them, and focusing exclusively on them, without being distracted by the
chores and other things which needed to be done. I continue this today with
the younger kids, but my method of staying close to them and giving focused
attention has changed for the older kids; for example, our twenty-year-old
son is a musician, so listening to his dreams, offering him support, and
showing up for his performances is the equivalent of reading stories and
building legos with him when he was younger.

As I have been observing children grow for the past twenty years, I see that
children who are raised in this way have a strong sense of confidence and
security. In the long run, this frees them to put their minds and hearts
into something other than seeking the comfort, security, and inner
confidence they need, because they already have all of that.

Several of my children used to hide under my skirt as preschoolers. I gave
them time to grow, and now, as older teenagers, those same "clingy" children
are musicians who perform at local festivals and act in Shakespeare plays.
They are kind, and they are the ones friends tend to turn to for
advice. Several have been on student council at school, and two are Eagle
Scouts. Their sense of confidence freed them to have the courage to look
beyond themselves. I am not trying to claim that my children are "better"
than anyone else's, or that I am the perfect mother. I mean to suggest that
if you look around at children you already know who are your older
daughter's age, you will probably find that the kids who are confident and
kind were raised just the way you are raising your little one (and probably
raised your older daugher). Perhaps you can find soem like minded moms and
support each other.

It is hard to take the long term view. People used to tell me that I was
not strict enough with my more exuberant, high energy children, or that I
should put the more reticent, "clingy" children in preschool. My
mother-in-law was most offended by this way of life, but she has recently
semi-apologized for having been so hard on me and said that she is glad I
raised them the way I did. She did not change her mind until the older ones
got into their late teens and she saw the results of many years of effort.
Looking back, I am really glad I ignored her advice. I tried at first to
actually discuss the issues with her, but when it became apparent that she
was uninterested in my reasoning or point of view, I reluctantly resorted to
polite one liners such as "Thank you, I'll consider that." When she, and
others, criticized me, I tried to keep in mind that my children would have
to pay the long term price for my decisions, so I tolerated the short term
difficulty of not doing what the critics wanted and enduring their
complaints. I tried to spend as much time as possible with supportive
people, and as little as possible with those who wanted only to criticize.
The cathmoms have been a tremendous help to me. Dr. William Sears is a
pediatrician and father of eight who advocates this way of raising children;
you can find advice from him at www.askdrsears.com. Several of his sons
have joined his medical practice, and at least one adult daughter is a
spokesperson for the baby sling he began promoting over twenty years
ago. His children appreciated being raised this way and are now imitating
their parents in raising their own children.

St. Francis de Sales said "Be who you are, and be that well." I believe
that when we support our children by offering them our presence in the way
that you do for your daughter, we allow them to be who they are, and be that
well. I say keep up the good work, Carmel!

Sincerely,
Angela
~~~

Hoping for a blessed and joyful New Year, for myself and for you as well.

I ...and a bad blogger.

2010-12-07T08:45:00.000-08:00

And it doesn't seem to bother me that much lately. There is just so much going on, and so many things taking my attention in my mind that having to sit here and try to figure it all out to write something cohesive seems exhausting.

So in a nutshell here is what is going on lately with us...
My sister came for Thanksgiving.
Anthony turned 8.
Kevin is taking vacation time to cut down on his 50 days of leave time.
Matthew turned 1.
We celebrated the 3rd anniversary of our baby Thomas' birth and death.
My mom flew in to visit with us for a few days, and we will fly back to California with her on Thursday to visit my family.

Still trying to figure out what to do about Christmas for the kids.
Cheerio!

Keeping busy!

2010-11-23T06:49:00.000-08:00

How can you not keep busy right now. There's the holidays, we have birthdays this week and next, my sister is coming, getting my shop up and running (go check it out!!!!!), and trying to keep up with the kids. Whew! Fun stuff!
Going to try to get some tiered skirts and aprons in my shop soon. Right now there are pincushions, cloth diapers, wet bags, some shopping bags, mama cloth...go go go check it out!

Click on my logo!

A little bit of this and that.

2010-11-09T11:14:00.000-08:00

The kids are getting sick. I think it might be rubbing off on me because I'm feeling out of sorts lately. That, and you know how when you have a lot on your mind...it becomes hard to concentrate on one particular thing and then follow through with it all the way to the end. I was in the studio last night finishing up a diaper I had started, and as soon as I was done I just wanted out of there. There are a ton of things I could or should be working on, but I just don't feel like it. Perhaps it's the whole being-indoors-with-no-natural-light that is getting to me as well. Our front porch blocks a lot of light that would otherwise come in the front room. It makes for dark days, especially now that it's cooling off.

Today is fairly nice out. It's about 70 with a nice light breeze. I cleaned up the back porch enough that I can let the baby play and chase the bunny around while I sit in the sunshine and browse the internet for Christmas ideas.

A friend was nice enough to give us a gift card to Toys R Us for the kids, but I'm looking for some handmade ideas as well. Extended family and a few friends will be getting homemade/handmade items. I was trying out a recipe for a sugar scrub today. It's quite lovely, if I do say so myself. I might just have to keep it for myself and make more! I also found a tutorial for how to etch glass using a Dremel, which is AWESOME because my brother gave me a Dremel and I'm dying to use it more. It's a handy little tool. I'm all about tools. This jar turned out pretty neat. But I think that the picture is too big for the jar. It needs to be smaller, but it was a good trial run!

Nature Walk

2010-11-07T12:59:00.000-08:00

It was a frigged day today. Very breezy and cold. But that didn't stop Annie from wanting to go for a nature walk. It's always an adventure doing something with her. She's full of ideas and questions. A nature walk quickly evolves into something else.

She quickly decided that she wanted to visit the graveyard of a family that rested out in the middle of one of the crop fields. She wanted to see who was there. So down the long dirt road we walked.

She collected leaves for each one of the "poor people", as she called them. And then she asked Jesus to let them come be in Heaven with Him. It was adorable. The majority of the graves had flowers at them. She was more concerned with the ones without, and wanted to know about the little ones off to the side. A quick read of the gravestones told the story of Bettie having several stillbirths and children that died at a very young age, somewhere around the mid to late 1880's. Very sad. Annie decided that someone must have forgotten to bring them flowers, so she collected big piles of leaves and lay them at each one of the children's graves.

And then we ran home! Mr. Anthony met us half way on his bike.

I enjoyed seeing the loads of acorns:) I recall in one of the lower grades of school having gone one year on an overnight trip to explore Native American culture and life and we mashed our own acorn mush for breakfast the next morning. It was disgusting, but a good experience! :)

The Holidays are approaching!

2010-11-05T06:33:00.000-07:00

Do you stress out now? I tend to stress out now. That, or totally throw caution (and everything else) to the wind trusting that everything will work out just fine.

Last year I was overly pregnant at Thanksgiving. So I could not have given a hoot about what took place. I just wanted to not look like a stuffed turkey. This year my sister is coming to visit! I'm really excited. She's not been to visit us yet, and I'm really looking forward to having some family around for a couple of days.

Last year we started a tradition of reading some little excerpts and prayers each night of Advent in preparation for Christmas. I had wanted to do a Jesse Tree, but I just was not up to the prep. But I'm getting started on it now! Time flies by quickly so it's not too early.

I found a bunch of links with great printables and instructions on how to make your own Jesse Tree. Just google Jesse Tree Ornaments. I think it's a great way to keep the kids in the true Christmas spirit, and recall what it's truly about.

Right now though....I've got to rescue my shelves from the littlest one. He's managed to pull everything down, and made himself comfortable on one of the shelves.

The Ball.

2010-11-04T06:20:00.000-07:00

Kevin has been in the Marine Corps for 6 years this year, and this year was my first time going to the Ball. All the things leading up to it were not so enjoyable, like stressing over a dress to wear, babysitting issues, and all that...but in the end it worked out ok. And it was neat to finally be able to go.
Next year I plan on being prepared with dress and babysitter and everything so that we're not feeling jerked around at the last minute when they say "We're having the ball in 24 hours! See you there!". They're sort of like the boy scouts and the motto fits well-- ALWAYS be prepared. Yes, you wives too.

Big Boy!

2010-10-24T15:02:00.001-07:00

He's baking pies and playing football. Talk about a well rounded young man.
In the Spring he'll receive his First Communion. Pray for him, that he will spend the next months preparing well for this big occasion!

He's got Teeth!

2010-10-24T14:54:00.000-07:00

(And he's learning how to use them, much to Mama's chagrin.)

My little one is getting so big, so fast! Walking, has teeth, is figuring out how to get into everything. The kitchen is full of cabinets secured with baby locks. Much to everyone's annoyance. Now he's starting to reach up on table tops and pull down whatever is within arms reach. He's full of mischief! Completely boyish! It's fun and insane.

He says "Hi!".

Taking it slow, Tuesday.

2010-10-05T05:07:00.000-07:00

Rush, rush, rush. I don't want to rush.

Yesterday I talked a little about being overly busy, and here we are today getting rushed to get things done before we have to leave the house for outside activities.

I like to think I'm a work in progress in the good-parent department. (Yes, this ties in with being busy.) I've had to learn to use my voice, and I don't necessarily mean my vocal cords. I mean that I've had to learn when to parent and then express that to my kids. Being the people-pleaser that I am, that is really difficult for me at times. No parent likes to upset their kids, but sometimes it is necessary to say "no", and follow through.

We had a situation where someone wasn't willing to get work done on time, and then procrastinated in getting ready to leave the house. So rather than doing all those things that make you rush out the door (ie yelling, nagging, threatening) Kevin took the initiative and decided that we just would not be going to that evenings activity. My internal reaction? "We can't not go! We can't not show up! What will people think?! What if he misses something important! Etc, etc, etc." I learned two things from this situation. First, I learned that, yes, I need to submit sometimes. What? Yes! He was attempting to teach a lesson, and it was a good lesson that this child needed to learn. Second, that lesson is/was more important than rushing to get somewhere and more important than what someone else might think. We are charged with raising up our children. If they can't be responsible and accountable in our home, what's to say they will be accountable when they leave. Perhaps some children learn to be accountable the hard way, when they leave home. We are a family unit and need to be accountable to one another. It starts here. And in the end, what do they learn from our threats of "If you don't hurry up we're not going....", only to give in and rush them out the door to where ever it was you promised to take them? The answer---> Mom and Dad will be there to make sure whatever gets done so I can be on my own program. That doesn't work in the real world.

That's not to say that rushing your kids, and telling them to hurry up so you can leave is not/should not be necessary. Sometimes it's absolutely necessary. But in a situation like this, it was one where nothing vital was going to be missed from our absence, and a very necessary lesson was being instilled in our child.

Trust me, lots of tears were had. And this mama did a lot of internal cringing. Sometimes those life lessons are painful. That's life.

Now excuse me while I go yell at the kids to hurry up so we can leave. :)

Hours of endless entertainment.

2010-10-04T08:03:00.000-07:00

Empty out the pots and pans cupboard, toss in a couple wooden spoons, a screaming baby, and you're good! What is funny is when the older ones get involved. I think they were more into it than he was.

Whatever the case may be, it keeps them entertained long enough for me to finish a couple of things.
I've been working endless hours on getting my diapers right. And then...my master pattern disappears. Are you serious, I say to myself. I had to use one of my partially made ones to draft another pattern. So I guess technically it's my own pattern, which I love endlessly and for which I cannot lose again or I may lose my mind:) It helps to have the pattern for the product that your trying to sell, and for which your tester buddy has tried out and pointed out kinks as well as "goods". They fit Matthew great also, and it's saved us a bundle on having to purchase more diapers. They can start at $10 and just go up from there. I've even see some for $35. Now...you do get what you pay for. However, I can't justify spending $35 on a diaper. So I find cute fabric and make my own!

Around the holidays there is usually a craft-type fair on base where you can reserve a table to sell your stuff. I'm seriously considering it this year. I just need to get all the details and really bust my butt to get enough done that I can take it with me and have enough to fill a table. I'm open to ideas and suggestions.
~~~

All the pot-banging and diaper sewing aside, things have been pretty quiet around here. My headaches have finally ceased. Thank the Lord! I thought I was going to spend the rest of my days wearing sunglasses and popping pills all day. The test for my pituitary function came back normal, so that is an excellent thing. I'm assuming that it was migraines. Better that than the alternative! I got the flu about a week ago...and it seems that when the flu came, the head aches went away. I won't complain.

Life comes up and we get off our schedule of school work and such. Too many extra activities going on as well. (And time being sick in bed!) It's hard to do the things you have to do when you are filling up all your time with extra's. In the spring...we're only doing one activity each. I like being home and having things to do around the house. I'm a homebody. So are my kids. They tend to grumble and moan when we have to go somewhere, so I can't wait till all these things are done for the holidays.

I'd like to sit on the porch with a cup of tea and stare out at the trees and birds without having to think, "What am I forgetting that we're supposed to be doing?"

Feeling disappointed in people lately.

2010-09-28T05:57:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's just that my expectations of people are too high...but lately I've only found myself disappointed in people. I don't think it's too much to ask people to live up to their word, keep their promises or act like generally decent humans.

I think the saddest thing is that people of my generation go through life feeling that they are entitled and lazy. If they complain enough, or whine as the case may be, everything will be given to them. Another side effect of that behavior is their children, who learn from their parents that if they just act out generally people will just get sick of their bad behavior and give in to shut them up. How is this kind of child rearing helping anyone? It makes it exceedingly difficult to have my kids around other children because they are easily influenced. They think that because this kind of behavior works for those kids that it must be ok, and so they start to act like they are entitled and bratty. Not ok! It's enough to keep them away from most child geared activities. I am finding, though, that a great majority of this behavior is from the kids in the public school system. The activities that we are a part of with other homeschoolers have an entirely different atmosphere. The kids are thoughtful, generally well behaved, kind to others, and listen to adults even if they may not like or agree with what is going on.

Maybe it's that we're taking an interest in what type of people we are trying to grow our children into: caring, respectful, independent, generally decent humans.

Anthony's football is an example of me trying to hold my tongue in more ways than one. The one thing that keeps me from taking Anthony out of the whole situation is that Kevin is one of the coaches and holds the kids accountable for their bad behavior. Even by giving them time out of practice. I was pleased to see one mom even take her son and leave when he wouldn't "play nice". Yes, people, that is the RIGHT thing to do when your kid acts out!

Ok, I'll get off my soap box now.

2010-09-24T15:14:00.000-07:00

sitting here at the football field with the two younger kids feeling really tired. most of it is just being mentally tired from all the going we have been doing. anthony has football practice threetimes a week. and then there is a game every saturday until november. annie has ballet on tuesdays and we just cut out the tuesday cubscouts because it was too much. we gave him the choice of what to cut out of the schedule and he chose cubscouts because he gets beat up on there. poor guy. i dont blame him. but i'm going to look for another group in case he decides to start up again. this particular group of boys are awful....more later!

Ooooo...K.

2010-09-13T11:48:00.000-07:00

This morning I went to my Dr.'s office for a check up regarding my thyroid levels. (Which to me sounds funny since I don't have a thyroid.) I completely spaced on getting my blood work done last week. We've been busy. What with my dental issues and the kids activities, etc. I just forget things!

Anyway, we went over my symptoms--hair loss, the lack of a cycle, a continuous headache, etc. He's concerned that it could be something to do with my Pituitary Gland, and would like for me to get an MRI to rule out growths on it. *sigh* What can you really say to that other than "Ok." I don't even want to think about it. They drew my blood in the in-office lab, so it will be a few days to get those results and after we get those as long as everything is normal then we'll proceed with the MRI. Or...I guess if it's not normal we'll do something about that too. That would probably be a good thing. My blood pressure was really high too, and I was just sitting there for like an hour, so he is having me cut my medication in half till I get my blood work back.

If I didn't already have a headache...I'm sure I would now.
~~~
Anthony starts Football this evening. I'm trying to come up with some meal ideas to bring with us. His practice is from 6-8pm. Not really very pleased about that, but we'll see how it goes. Mostly just worried about having the little one out so late. I think he'll do alright. (Hopefully!)

Road trips!

2010-09-07T03:39:00.000-07:00

Matthew had a good time too!

They Rock!

I love taking road trips. Yesterday we took one up north, about three hours, to Elizabeth City where we visited with some of Kevin's family. The country side is very pretty, and some of the old houses were incredible. And we had an awesome visit!

I'd love to take more trips to see what's around. I love the history.

Some cows across the street from Kevin's cousin's house.

Driving across the Sound.

Cotton fields!

Stores that have been there forever.

A Quiet Saturday

2010-09-04T05:23:00.000-07:00

We have a fairly quiet weekend this weekend. Today Kevin is taking Anthony to sign up for Football. (When did he get old enough for that?) Tomorrow we'll do our regular Sunday activities, and on Monday we're planning on heading up to Elizabeth City to visit with some of Kevin's family.

Annie and Matthew are here with me while Kevin takes Anthony. She's a non-stop talker. I think she gets that from Kevin. They all have that characteristic, which is ok. I'm not much of a talker, but the constant talking...I have to have quiet sometimes otherwise I get grouchy. Most of the time I tend to just zone it all out, and as long as I respond every once in a while with a grunt of acknowledgment or something Annie will be perfectly happy. I don't have much interest in video games, in fact I get bored out of my mind and irritated with the constant noise, but it is a huge subject of discussion around here. I think I'm tending towards crankiness in my old age! Anyway, I'm hoping that the kids real life extra curricular activities and interaction with others will give them something new to talk about. I have more patience for those sorts of things.

Annie will start ballet/tap on Tuesday, and now Anthony will have football along with his Cub Scouts and choir class. It's a good load. Anthony's stuff always keeps us really busy. It'll be a challenge getting through everything with Matthew now that he's walking. I was not ready for him to be walking so soon. He's all over the place, and he has no patience when he sets his mind to something. The older two want my constant attention. It makes for Mama to be easily frazzled.
~~~
The last week or so my surgery scar has been really red and inflamed. I hadn't realized that there were still a few stitches left in it. They were just under the skin causing infection again. Both the surgery incision and the drain incision site are pretty painful still. You would think that more than a month later this would all be better by now. I go back to the Endocrinologist to go over blood work and all that jazz on the 13th. We'll see how things look!

~~~
If you read my other blog at all ( doodlela.com) you'll notice I haven't been doing much in the way of creating things. I'm behind on finishing up a painting for a friend of mine. Hopefully I'll get that done this weekend so I can send it out on Tuesday. I had to do it over again because the first try...I ended up hating it the more I looked at it. Don't you hate when that happens? So this time around I'm much happier with it. I just need to get it done.

I tend to get easily discouraged about my art work. If there is reasoning behind it, I'm not sure what it is. Perhaps part of it is that I look around me and see what other mother's have accomplished with their art work and I get grouchy. I should be able to be successful, too! My tendency to look outward instead of inward might be my problem though. I get envious of their success. Got to work on that. The whole point of my work was to earn money for the kids to be able to do things. Instead my focus got out of control. I'm working on it.

Life is a constant work in progress on yourself isn't it...

Hello out there.

2010-08-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

What's new with you?

We've started school. Kevin is back at work, thought starting this coming week he'll be taking vacation. My family is back in California. I've been working on my art and crafts things. Keeping busy.
My neck is healing from surgery pretty well, but I'm still sore and limited on what I can do. It'll be a while still before I'm fully healed I think. And I'm getting used to the medication. I'm not sure my prescription is what it should be at yet...I feel very sluggish. He already gave me a higher dose once, so we'll see what my levels are before my next appointment and go from there. I've been having these horrible headaches since shortly after the surgery. Pretty sure they are related somehow. I did figure out, however, that if I take my medications separately and hours apart from each other the headaches aren't nearly as bad. They seem to be getting better with time.
I'm having trouble concentrating on things, but I think that might have to do with it all as well. I feel like someone stole my mental equilibrium. It's weird!
~~~
So what do I have to share....nothing much really. We're doing a lot of cleaning up and organizing around the house. Kevin is taking time today to show the kids how to clean. (He's an expert.) They started with the car this morning. And now they have moved on to their bedroom. He's currently teaching them how to make their beds properly. I haven't heard any complaints or whining, so I'm assuming everything is going ok :) I've been occupied getting the baby to sleep and getting lessons ready for next week.

Next week Anthony starts choir, and I'll be getting Annie signed up for ballet. I think they'll both enjoy doing something of their very own. I have originally planned on doing ice skating again this school year, but the drive and the expense just seemed unreasonable. The hour drive was what killed me. Anyway...this way they will be at their own functions. And then I'll be signing up for MOPS (Moms of Preschoolers) at the Baptist church just up the road. They'll have classes for Annie and Anthony both, with some very much needed Mommy Time thrown in there while they are occupied. The group of Catholic Homeschoolers from the surrounding area has also decided to start having a monthly Mass and get-together at our parish which I'm pretty excited about. They had a once monthly Mass and get-together at another parish, but it was nearly an hour away... Maybe I'm just lazy, but it's too far for me.

That's about all that's going on here. That, and I miss my family!

Post operative check up today.

2010-07-26T04:41:00.001-07:00

Headed this morning to my doctor's offices, first to get my bandage off and talk with the surgeon, and then to check in with the Endocrinologist. I never thought I'd be one to say "I'm really looking forward to some drugs,", but I'm certainly feeling that way. I feel very odd. It could have something to do with my missing organ! I guess it just really bothers me to be feeling so weak and dizzy/lightheaded all the time. They said it will take some time to get my medicine tweaked just right. Let's get started please!

You know me...I've been feeling very lazy sitting around not doing much. I like being useful and not wasting time. It helps to that my body only wants to move so fast. The morning after I got home I think I probably over did it a little getting up and working on some screen printing projects. I should have just stayed in bed, but I was feeling this need to do something. A better project would have been some embroidery or something. Just and FYI for ya in case you ever have to have surgery. :)

Post Op!

2010-07-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

Thursday morning I had my surgery and all went well. Thankfully I don't remember much. I was having a bit of anxiety before hand. All the people and the idea of it was just making me really anxious.

My surgeon says that everything went according to plan. He was able to feel the lump inside my thyroid when he took it out. We'll find out Monday what the pathologist has to say about what it was. Depending on what they have to say I might need some radiation. For now they have me on thyroid replacement and some calcium supplements because my calcium dropped pretty low the evening of my surgery.

I have a pretty major sore throat from having the air tube down my throat during surgery, and the surgical area is still pretty sore but I'm doing pretty well! I feel like since I'm home I should be doing something useful. Mostly I feel bad for not being able to carry baby around. He just wants to be held! Poor guy!

My little graduate.

2010-06-18T20:56:00.000-07:00

My Anthony just graduated from 1st grade. Where does the time go? He definitely keeps me busy.

The other day I attended Mass with another home schooling family and we were blessed to have a great homily about the value of home educating. It was inspirational!

He's way too tall already! Love 'im to bits!

Results

2010-06-10T05:11:00.000-07:00

As my four year old would say, "I didn't see that coming!" We walk through our life as if we are invincible, but we're not. We're very fragile actually.

My biopsy results concluded that the mass in my thyroid is malignant. In the not too distant future I will have surgery and it will be removed. We're not sure yet what kind it is, or when surgery will be. Next week I go back for some blood work and to go over everything.

I'm not sure it has really hit me yet. There has been a vast array of emotions pouring through me and I haven't quite made sense of it all yet.

Shock: I originally went to the doctor for treatment for strep. I didn't sign up for some possibly life threatening disease. It's not the sort of phone call you expect. Rather I was expecting, "Everything turned out ok with the biopsy. Here is some more medication. See you at your next appointment." I feel, at times, completely detached from this odd situation.

Anger: "What the *bleep*?! I've been to the doctor like a hundred times since February and they didn't have a clue till now?! It took them this long to figure this out?!"

And also anger with people. What comes to mind is..."My whole life you've pretty much ignored me and now you want to act like you care? You don't even know me!" It's been a lesson in letting people in and letting people deal with it in their own way. Ultimately who am I to say "You can't care!". And, in the long run, perhaps their prayers offered will be answered and bring them to a fuller spiritual life.

Acceptance: I can't change it, so I might as well accept it. And I trust God is going to take care of me so I don't need to worry. But sometimes in my logical mind I believe I might just be in denial. I feel more sorry for those around me than I do for myself. I made my mom fly out here from California to help me. And my brothers. And they are all stressed out. And my husband is being sent home early from deployment and so he'll miss a possible stop at the Vatican that I really wanted for him. What goes on in my head is "Can't we just go on with life like nothing is different? It'll be like a dental appointment--possibly scary and uncomfortable, but then life will be back to normal again."

It's a mish-mash of crazy emotion. I'm sure it'll sort it's self out with time.

The suspense....

2010-06-07T03:24:00.000-07:00

It's what will kill you! I can deal with hearing something bad, but it's the waiting for the results that will kill you. The suspense is nerve racking. Every time my phone rings my stomach does this huge lurch. I'd much rather someone just tell me the results of my biopsy than have to wait around for them. UGH!

I really believe it's probably nothing serious, but if I don't hear something today I may lose my mind. The up side is that I have some things to keep me occupied...
~~~

Matthew has a check up today. I always feel so bad taking the kids for check ups. They hate being poked and prodded, and they tend to believe someone is going to do something bad....like stick a needle in them! Am I the only one that sees that sticking needles in your child from day one may traumatize them and make them feel uncomfortable even entering a doctor's office? Not that I'm against vaccinations. (Not that I'm much for them either.) But isn't there a more gentle way to do it? Perhaps one at a time. Or more spread out. Someone has to come up with something that doesn't torture them.
~~~

This evening my kids have ice skating. They really love ice skating. It's really hard on me sometimes though because we have to drive an hour to get there. And it's very expensive. And the baby cries mostly the whole time. And him crying makes everyone tense. But they love it. I am torn. We're going anyway.
~~~

So yes, my head is full of random things this morning. Very sorry.

I am having a real intense desire to chop off all my hair. One of my symptoms is that it is falling out. With a vengeance. Like, if you walk by me you might get my hair on you. It's coming out in handfuls so I mostly wear it in a ponytail/bun/messy up-do all the time. Boring. And disturbing when I take it down at the end of the day. A hair band full of hair, and lots of brushing to get it out before I go to bed so my baby doesn't end up tangled in it in bed. To cut, or not? *sigh*

How 'bout you just stop falling out dumb hair.

Pain the neck!

2010-06-02T18:22:00.000-07:00

My biopsy, that is. In some weird way, the pain and the fact that it was being done to ME aside, it was fascinating. Part of me was freaking out, white knuckling the arms of the chair, and the other part was trying to pay attention to the process, watching the ultrasound screen as he stuck each needle in my thyroid for each sample of tissue.

We are trying to discover what the dark mass in my thyroid is. My blood work had antibodies from Graves disease and Hashimoto's disease. The oddity is that the two are opposites, with one being over active thyroid and the other under active. This is the third time I've had some issues with my thyroid being overactive. Hopefully the third time is a charm.

So today the doctor was just supposed to go over my blood work with me and talk about options, but instead I got there and the nurse told me, " I need you to sign this release and then we can do your biopsy." Whaaaaaat? Ok, whatever, fine. I think he likes to surprise people because then during the actual process, as he's sticking me with needle number 5 he's telling me that we're done. And then once it's out he says, "Oh wait! I forgot, one more!" with a giddy little laugh. I asked him if I could see it for a minute and he asked me why. "'Cause I'm going to stick it in your neck!", I told him and laughed. Thankfully he knew I was kidding. (Sorta.)

It's a process I hope to never have to repeat, and I'm glad it is over. Hopefully the results will be negative for anything bad. We're mostly checking for cancer. The results will be in at the beginning of next week.

I say, just cut the darn thing out and then we don't have to worry about it anymore!

Checking in from California

2010-05-19T12:22:00.000-07:00

It's is Oh-So-Good to be home! I've missed it so much.

We've been having a really nice time as well. My older brother came up from Mountain View to visit. It been a few years since we got to see one another. My sister came up for a visit, and then she met my mom and the kids and I in SF. We visited the Legion of Honor, (Picasso and Monet and Beaugoreaux Oh Yes!), and then a lovely picnic in the park to let the kids play. It was a beautiful day.

We've hung around Sonoma Country enjoying the scenery, shopping and just being with family. We've visited our old parish, which brought tears to my eyes. *happy sigh* I've missed it here immensely. I've missed having family around. It's been great for the kids. They are so happy and content to just be here.

With just under a week left, there is still time to meet with a couple more friends and family and soak in the beauty.

The only thing I really feel badly about is leaving my brother back in Jacksonville to watch the house and take care of our bunny. If that weren't the case, I'd extend our visit and stay till I couldn't put off paying the bills anymore! :)

We're leaving on a jet plane!

2010-05-11T04:43:00.000-07:00

California here we come!

Well, later today that is.

We will be heading out this evening for a night time flight back home. I'm really excited. And a little anxious as well. We've all been sick for the least few weeks. We've had the strep, and ear infections and cold stuff. It's been rather miserable, but it seems that we're slowly coming out of it. The kids are all pretty fussy and cranky as they get well. Matthew developed asthma and an ear infection, and though he's doing much better he's extremely cranky. I'm praying that flying at night will make it a little easier and that everyone will just go to sleep. That would definitely make everyone else on the plane happy, I'm sure!

It'll be good to see some friends and family and have some fun.

Popping in for Prayers

2010-04-29T11:37:00.000-07:00

I only have a minute. I know I haven't written in a while, but I've been pretty busy.

Please keep Matthew in your prayers. He's really not doing well at all. We all suffer from yeast issues in our home. But his are by far the worst yet. It has infected his skin, so that it is constantly oozing , and once dried it cracks and leaves very sore open wounds. Please pray for healing.

I'm trying my best with all the suggestions and research I've done to get our diet right and use the natural things that are said to help.

Thank you!

Envy and Jealousy.

2010-04-12T23:51:00.000-07:00

It's 3AM and I can't sleep. So I'm sitting here contemplating things and reading some books and doing some self examination.

Two vices seemed to snatch me up and grip my puppet strings lately. Truly, the idea of them being a problem had not really crossed my mind until recently. You read about them, you don't experience them, right? Wrong!

My goal--> Sit quietly before my good Jesus and beg His help! Let me explain.

I like to make stuff, create stuff. That in and of its self isn't bad. But what is bad is my irritation and jealousy towards my friends who have the time and help to be able to do those things and succeed at them. In my few free minutes the other day I was visiting blogs and looking over some friends projects and honest to goodness feeling envy, and jealousy, and then I found my self feeling irritated and annoyed with them for being able to do something that I wanted so badly to be able to do. What is wrong with me???

My kids have needed my attention a lot lately. The baby is going through babyhood and needing lots of holding and cuddling. (He's trying to crawl. He's got the turning over down. It's all going too fast.) My little Annie is growing so much lately in her need and desire to learn things that I've been having to spend lots of time finding her things to keep her busy. She's learning her letters, and doing fantastic at it! And schooling Anthony and keeping him on task takes time as well. Add in the daily tasks, then the tasks that Kevin would do if he were here (like caring for the yard work, the lots and lots of yard work), the extra curricular activities and regular errands...well there's barely a free minute in the day. I haven't made anything in ages, and I'm a little bitter at times, I admit. But I know these other things needs my attention, and I love my kids and so will continue to do what needs to be done with the knowledge that it will one day be different.

I was overwhelmed by my own feelings toward my friends. I could recognize that my jealousy was ridiculous, and yet there I was feeling it anyway. What a problem! Admittedly I do need to take a few minutes each day to take care of "me", yes. However, what I was feeling was way over the top. I believe at times our vocation calls on us to be in places we don't like to be, perhaps as a test of our faithfulness to our calling and to help us delve deeper into our role in the "story of Love". Love isn't always lovely. Most often it's a choice. So do I have a choice to become un-jealous and un-envious of my friends who I love dearly and wish the best for? Of course.

It's a humbling experience. Putting my desires aside, perhaps in this situation it is my friends who need encouragement in their endeavors that they might succeed. Who am I to know what their own struggles might be. Against my natural inclinations I forced myself to look at the situation in a different light. I can fight that jealousy and win. I'm determined.

I'll put on my big girl shoes.

Trying to keep up.

2010-04-08T09:39:00.000-07:00

(I think Anthony looks just like his daddy in this picture!)

The more I try to keep up with things, the more I try to please everyone...the more it seems God is pulling on the reins telling me to SLOOoooooowww down.

A few weeks ago I decided to school Anthony at home. I can't say that was an easy decision. In fact it was really difficult. I prayed. And prayed and prayed some more. Ultimately I felt that it was the right decision. Since he's been home...he is such a nicer person! His school work gets done with out having to threaten him with taking things away. It's been great. The atmosphere is much more peaceful in our home. Later this month he takes the annual school tests that are required for records. I have no doubt he'll do great, and whatever areas he might have trouble in we can work on. His school work takes a few hours to complete in the morning. We're nearly always done before noon, and then we have activities that we've been going to in the afternoon. Cub Scouts, Ice Skating, (public skating as well one day a week for home schooled children), some field trips, are just a few things we've been doing. No matter what, we're always busy. I don't think there was one day last week that we weren't doing something. How crazy is it that I have to schedule a day off for us all!?

I got the wind sufficiently taken out of my sails when I got sick with strep at the end of February. I thought that was bad. Boy did that take the life out of me. I admit that it was good then that I got the strep because it helped us discover that I needed to have my thyroid treated. In actuality it's hard to care for yourself when you're always caring for everyone else, don't ya know?
Now the strep has re-occurred. We skipped everything so far this week except for doctors appointments. And it wasn't because I didn't want to get us to those things! I just couldn't see driving for an hour with a fever, to go hang out in 30 degree skating rink for two hours with a squealing baby (pretty sure he's starting to teeth). As much as I hate being sick, I've actually enjoyed the time down.

It helps, too, that this week is supposed to be Spring Break anyway. So I don't technically have to be doing anything except the necessary things. That seems sort of funny because all the necessary things, like laundry and dishes, seem to get put off for all the other things we get involved in. Who knew life would get so crazy? :) I'm pretty sure God was observing my exhausted face, knowing I needed to take a break, and ever so generously allowed me to get sick so that I would HAVE to sit still for a few days. In the end, I think I should be grateful for being sick. Though it's no fun to have sick babies. But maybe they needed the down time as well.

Today I'm taking the time to reevaluate our schedule and put some more "free" time in there so that we can get some things done around the house. We function ok, but it would be good to take the time to get the necessary things done each week rather than having to try to squeeze them in between all the scheduled activities. Have I ever mentioned that I hate being bored, and hardly ever am?

Cheers to you! And a Happy Easter Tide. Christ is Risen! He is truly Risen!

Post 900

2010-03-30T14:09:00.000-07:00

My Work

I have the greatest work in the world;

The job of rocking a baby to sleep,

That of guiding his tottering feet,

A baby's clothes to launder and fold,

A precious life to shape and mold,

A drink to give from a little cup,

At night his toys to gather up,

Hurts to heal and fears to quell,

A baby to keep clean and well,

A stack of diapers to put,

Oh, what a happy worthwhile day!

I am a "Mother."

I have the greatest work in to world;

A husband to encourage when things go wrong,

When he comes from work to greet with a song,

Denims and shirts to wash and mend,

A helping hand, when needed, to lend,

Three times a day is meals to cook,

To strive to be my best to look,

His back to rub at the close of the day,

For his faithfulness to God I pray,

When hubby's in the field I take lemonade,

for all these tasks his love has Paid.

I am a " Wife."

I have the greatest work in the world;

A home to keep happy, clean and bright,

Make things go smooth and strive for the right,

Jams to cook and jellies to make,

Cookies and pies and bread to bake,

Washing, ironing, and sewing to do,

So many tasks, will I ever get through?

Lettuce to wash and peas to pick,

floors to scrub, lost items to seek,

Dishes to wash and windows to shine,

These and many more tasks are mine.

I am a "Homemaker."

Help me, Father, to faithfully work,

Forgive if I unconsciously shirk,

give me the patience and love I pray,

To keep myself in duties way;

With all the hustle that each day brings

May I not neglect the needing things;

Each day to spend time alone with Thee

That Jesus Christ be seen in me.

Thank you for husband, our home, our girls and boys;

Thank you for love which brings me much joy.

Thank you, Lord.

~Mary Lou Burkholder

'Round these parts...

2010-03-20T09:59:00.000-07:00

Little Man is getting so big! It's so much fun. And exhausting. He wants to be held 24/7. He got spoiled this past week with my mom and brother here. There was someone to hold him and entertain him all the time. He'll have to get used to his swing and the sling again:)

My brother youngest brother is now a head taller than me. He's only 15! Come on....Maybe I'm shrinking.

I took them to Wilmington to the Aquarium at Fort Fisher, and then we stopped and snapped some pictures on our way.
It was a great visit. We miss them a bunch already. It's good to have family around.
~~~

I've been so busy with stuff around here, and my family visiting, that I haven't been able to sew up some diapers like I've needed to for the little one. He's had a growth spurt and is almost out of all the diapers I've sewn him. I got lucky this morning and found someone in the area who had some PouPond cloth diapers for sale. 8 of them for $40. That's a steal of a deal! I'd be lucky to find two or three for that price. I'm not picky, so they are great. We picked them up this morning and so far they are great. I have 6 more coming in the mail soon that I ordered off ebay. Those were $25. The good thing is I made sure to get One Sizers this time so they should last till he's potty training. When you add up how much I'd be spending on disposables, that's a pretty good deal!
~~~
The rest of today I'm going to spend working on my chicken coop. I'm trying to get it together by Monday because there is a lady nearby who has a couple of laying hens that I'd like to pick up. Got to go do some measuring and cutting. Wish me luck with all that!

Out of the mouths of babes.

2010-03-09T05:23:00.000-08:00

This morning I was doing my morning blog reading when Annie came in to sit with me. I served her breakfast, said some morning prayers with her, and put Matthew to nap in his swing. Annie asked me what I was doing and I explained that I was doing some "Mama Reading" about how to be a better Mama and wife. She didn't miss a beat. She said, "You need to stop yelling. It's not nice. When we do things wrong sometimes you yell." Insert me blushing guiltily. "It's because I get frustrated, and it just comes out. I'm sorry," I explained.

I really don't like yelling, and even my kids will tell you I don't do it very much. But the way she said it just really got me. You know what I mean....Your kids are screaming at each other, or fighting over something, and after telling them NICELY for the millionth time to play nice or go their separate ways you just get fed up. It really does just come flying out! But then we also talked about doing things the first time they are asked or told. We all know how often that happens.

I've resolved to at least work at not yelling though. If it bothers her that much I can make an effort to change. Now I just need to find an alternative....like...a wooden spoon? God forbid! Watch out for CPS!

March came in like a lion....

2010-03-02T19:32:00.000-08:00

And it is definitely whipping up the water! It's really windy out! They are predicting more snow for tonight and tomorrow. I'm just trying to wrap my head around the fact that it is already March.

My kids have been loving the wintry weather. You can see that here below.
I'm more of a summer time person myself. I hope the cold doesn't last too much longer....
~~~
So things have been interesting around here lately. We survived the snow, the Scarlet Fever, and strep. Myself included. Thank God for Antibiotics. I'm not a big fan, I do admit, but they can be a life saver. In more ways than one actually!

I ended up in the ER with strep, which in turn was a little intro for the doctor to run tests after I'd been on IV fluids and my blood pressure still didn't go down. The kids were so good for me. We spent about 10 hours in the ER while they ran test after test, and even resorted to a CAT scan to try to figure out what was going on with me that my blood pressure was so high. At first they thought it could have a been a blood clot because it's so early postpartum. My thyroid is hyperactive again, forcing my heart to beat at 143 while sitting still on a bed. That's pretty high for laying around all day apparently. They gave me beta blockers to keep me from having a heart attack. I felt sort of sluggish after that. I was amazed that after all those fluids I didn't have to empty my bladder. I must have been pretty dehydrated as well!

They sent me home with med's and instructions to see someone in family medicine to deal with my thyroid, and to see if there are some alternatives to the medications that are recommended. It's very possible I'll have to stop breastfeeding to prevent him from getting the medication I'll have to take. It's heartbreaking to think about that. I love breastfeeding. But I know I need to be healthy for my kids as well. They don't need their mama having a heart attack. The doctor told me to take it easy until I can get to an endocrinologist. It's hard to do that when I don't feel any different.

Eh. *shrug* Gives me a good reason *to try* to sit around and eat popcorn while watching useless television. Or read a book.....or ten.

From the trenches of motherhood.

2010-02-20T07:57:00.000-08:00

Annie has Scarlet Fever. We ended up at the hospital last night because I just couldn't stand her being so miserable any more. Anyway...It's the rash related to the strep throat and fever she has. And let me tell you...it's miserable. She won't stop scratching, and they told me not to give her an antihistamine. They said it was good I brought her in. Years ago it was a childhood killer. It would turn to Rheumatic Fever and sometimes pneumonia. No thanks. She was only sick a couple of days...I had no idea it would turn into something so icky!

As I returned from the ER this morning with Anneliese, Anthony woke up with a bloody nose.

Got anything else? Bring it on! (Not really, I'm tired.)

I was going to try to install a ceiling fan today in the kids room to replace the old one that doesn't work. However, I can hardly stand up straight. I'm not so sure it's a good idea to stand on a ladder that high up when I'm feeling this dizzy and tired. The other thing I was supposed to do is finish our taxes, but I'm not so sure that is a good idea either. I think this is going to turn into a lazy weekend.

Lent: Involving the kids!

2010-02-17T12:58:00.000-08:00

The kids like to think of the end of the road, the reward, rather than focusing on the road to get there. Don't we know it! For example, "We'll get McDonald's for lunch, if you behave during Mass!" Uh...yeah. Try getting them to behave with the thought of chicken nuggets and cheap toys in their head. Rather than good behavior, you'll most likely get "How much longer? Is it over yet? I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hungry...." I try not to do too much bribing. It just makes them think that they can negotiate with you. ("If I put my clothes away can I buy a new video game?" Uh no.) Instead I've started to try to make the road more interesting for them. It's a lot of work sometimes, having to think ahead and plan things out, but it's worth it to see them proud of their work. And it makes the reward more satisfying.

So anyway...I decided to make Easter about the journey. You can't just hop-hop-hop through the days of Lent not thinking about why we're headed for the Easter celebration. They need to know what's going on and why we're going to celebrate Easter. About a month ago I ordered a book through Catholic Heritage Curricula called A Year with God: Celebrating the Liturgical Year. It has a ton of great activities for every season of the year. I wish I had ordered it sooner! (The price tag was what hindered me, but it's been well worth it!) There is a calendar to count down the days to Easter. Everyday I'll print out activities from the Holy Heroes Lent Adventure, and put them in their own folder so they have something new to learn and color everyday. I also did a little hands-on research and came up with some other fun stuff to do, like making pretzels! This is a really great explanation about the Lent-related origin of pretzels. And on allrecipes.com you can find the recipe for Mall Pretzels. They're yummy, by the way! The hands on stuff helps solidify the meanings for the kids, and gives them something fun to do. I'm really looking forward to our journey toward Easter this year.

Walking paths in the carpet!

2010-02-16T03:54:00.000-08:00

There's only so much you can do for a crying baby. Unfortunately they can't speak up and just tell you right out what is wrong. I still get the mama-guilt when I set him down and he just continues to cry. I know there is a reason. Somewhere deep inside him. The mind-reader in me hasn't figured it out yet though. The upside is...he mostly sleeps through the night, so really I just spend the day walking paths in the carpet rocking him and trying to console him. Yesterday, I just needed 5 minutes to myself, so I put him in his swing and jumped in the shower. When I got out, he was still screaming...But Anthony had taken it upon himself to take him out of the swing and sit down on the floor with him. He was trying to comfort him by rocking him. Matthew wasn't having any of it. He was still crimson in the face and screaming at the top of his lungs. Poor Anthony was looking at me with this "WHAT DO I DO?!" look. Poor guy. Both of them!

The upside to all this baby-walking? I'm back into my pregnancy pants now:)

Can you spot a mother?

2010-02-05T04:54:00.000-08:00

I was doing my morning blog browsing and noticed something....

You can see motherhood on a woman. I haven't quite figured out what it is but there's this thing....this distraction/calmness/sense of self that they possess that makes it so you can almost reach out and grasp it. It's really quite extraordinary. You look at two pictures, side by side, of a young single woman and a woman of the same age who is a mother and you can pick the mother out without any evidence. It's something in her eyes.

A mother has a knowing about her.

Only military wives...:)

2010-02-02T04:11:00.000-08:00

Only in a town where husbands are gone often will you find massively pregnant women and those with newborns wandering the aisles of Walmart to entertain their children at dinner time on a weeknight.

I met with a lady last night to sell her Matthews newborn sized cloth diapers. She is a couple days past her due date and her husband is gone. We stood and shared birth stories, and diaper stories, and ever famous deployment stories. And we laughed at each other because when we saw one another both walking in with little ones and no husband to be seen, it was pretty obvious what was going on there! It was nice to commiserate for a while.

Sometimes us mommies get so caught up in our kids and things at home that even a simple conversation in the middle of Walmart can brighten your day. It's good stuff.

Keep going!

2010-01-30T05:22:00.000-08:00

Just a warning...herein I ramble on a lot:)

This morning I woke up and looked outside and there was frost everywhere. It looked sooooo cold. And then I remembered that I left one of my plants out there and ran out the backdoor to cover it with a blanket. It might be too late for that plant. We'll have to wait and see.

Lately I haven't been able to blog because I start writing something and then I start crying and can't continue. So I figure silence is better than things I might regret having said later on down the road. Suffice it to say I've been having a rough time. And I've got the postpartum depression thing going on again. I'm working through it though. It helps to take time for myself, even though that's really REALLY hard to do. Like I told my doctor at my check-up....I'm doing a really good job of pretending everything is fine because my kids need me to be here for them right now. Sort of like with the plant, I cover up in a blanket to keep the frost from taking over. And I know that this too shall pass.

I've been struggling with a lot of really big things that have forced me to think about stuff I wished I'd never have to. Someone once said that sometimes the best thing is to do nothing. I haven't done "nothing", rather I'm working on making me a better me. Isn't that the hardest thing to do? It's so much easier to look around and blame things on other people, when in fact it's often life changing to work things through yourself. It's sometimes painful and intimidating. I am the ultimate people-pleaser, and straying from that persona is almost physically painful. But in trying to become more of who I should be, I'm feeling more empowered. It's almost like a shade was taken away from my eyes. I still fear rejection, no doubt. But honestly...is rejection so bad? And if I didn't like who I was before and it wasn't working for me, why continue? I want to be happy too.

Now the hard thing is to keep being happy with my own personal changes (and keep going) when someone else doesn't like them. Or rather, when someones else doesn't like me.

Who needs sleep anyway.

2010-01-25T03:34:00.001-08:00

Between the 5o mph wind and the rain, and Matthew thinking it's day time at two in the morning....I got about no sleep!

Everyone is having strange disturbed sleep habits since Kevin left. Matthew has decided that he wants to sleep all day and be awake all night. He finally decided that he'd fall asleep in his swing around 5ish. Since I get up at 6 to get Anthony going for school there's no sense is trying to go to sleep. Annie is taking up residence in our bed again, and doesn't sleep but lays there awake. And Anthony wakes up waaaaaaay before dawn and wants to snuggle in our bed as well.

Sleep is overrated I guess.

Go away baby fat! (Mine! Not his!)

2010-01-23T19:45:00.000-08:00

Not to be cliche, but I can't wait to get rid of some more of this baby fat! OK, I know I said I went back down to my prepregnancy weight but that doesn't mean I'm not carrying around a little extra chub. You lay around for 9 months and you're bound to lose muscle and replace it with a little baby fat. I've got more than I care to admit to. But I'm working to get it off, and so far I've lost 4 lbs. I don't know where from as I can't see any difference yet.

I'm using Kevin's deployment as a time frame for getting to my weight-loss goal. He's not the reason for my goal, (though it's nice to look nice for your spouse), it's just a good length of time to try to get there and reasonable for the amount I want to lose without trying to starve myself. I still have to eat reasonably to keep up a milk supply for little man, who by the way is doing really well! He's getting those cute chubs. Maybe I can transfer my chubs to him:) They're much cuter on a baby anyway.

Why is that?! Chubby babies are much cuter than chubby grown-ups. Not fair.

All that takes place.

2010-01-21T20:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we sent Kevin off for another deployment. He'll be sailing the seas for 7 months, visiting places in the Mediterranean and elsewhere. They might get to visit Rome and the Vatican. I'm very excited for him about that. I have been there, but he has not. I hope he gets to. I know it will be a trip to remember, that is for sure.

While he is gone I have numerous goals in mind to keep me busy. There are several things I'd like to do with our home; finish the master bath makeover, do the main bath, get the garden going, do some things in the kitchen. There is so much that I'm having to write lots of things down. Actually I'm a bit overwhelmed right now. New baby, alone again and feeling a bit discombobulated. Sometimes I just look around and feel like it's all too much, and that I can't even remember how to wash the dishes. But I keep reminding myself to take baby steps and give myself a break. I don't have to be supermom. Thank God for that.

I was talking with my mom about how every time Kevin leaves I feel like I go into a sort of mourning phase. I get sad, and then I get mad that I'm sad, and then I get mad that I am mad. And then...well....I don't know. I guess I just get numb. Or go into denial. Whatever. It works and then I can function again. Haha.

~~~

Ok moving on.

Matthew is so darn cute. He's growing past the colic and miserableness of the last 6 weeks. He wakes up in the cutest mood...All smiles and giggles. It's so much fun. He'll even sit for a bit and just "be" without crying. It's such a nice change!!!!

I love being mommy!

The craziness of life!

2010-01-11T12:08:00.000-08:00

It's crazy how you just get caught up in everything. Time seems to be flying by way too fast. Probably because we've been pretty busy, and you forget how much time and work a little baby can be. I'm lucky to be showered and dressed before 3pm some days. I'm making an effort to get up earlier, no matter what time the baby wakes up or how often I was awake during the night. Helps me to get more done in the day and be better organized with everything.

We had Matthew's Baptism this past Saturday. It was a really nice day. We were all amazed at how quiet and calm he was during the whole event given that he's been soooo darn colicky. Somedays he seems to just cry all day no matter what you do or don't do. Often I have to just set him down, and go in the other room to chill out for a few minutes so I don't go out of my mind.

So Kevin is set to leave very very soon. It's amazing how that has sort of sneaked up on us. He's been shopping for and packing up his gear.
(Saying goodbye for deployment 2008)

It's interesting how the dynamic changes with everyone when he is preparing to go. He tends to start to distance himself. I tend to get irritable, but do my best to keep it to myself:) The kids are clingy to him, and he's making an effort to give them lots of attention while trying at the same time to distance himself a little. It's very subtle with the kids but I can see it. It's a defense mechanism, I know. It seems harsh a little, but my feeling is "Can you hurry up and leave so we can get this over with already!" That's my defense mechanism, I think. I hate long, drawn out goodbyes and such. I'm more for "Lets do this and get it done!"

This time I don't really have to worry about his safety much as he's going to be on a ship rather than in the line of fire. He'll be bored for sure. I bought him a Kindle reader for Christmas and he's been downloading books like crazy. That should keep him busy for a short while! We'll be busy with school, and then summer stuff. I'm going to get our garden going this year and finish the makeover on the master bathroom, and get the front bathroom redone as well. I'm making lists already of what I want/need to do in his absence. I also want to get my art/craft business back up and running. Nothing like staying busy to pass the time! Hopefully we'll get to visit out West as well. I miss family and friends. If we don't make it out there before he gets home, Kevin wants to go out and visit everyone when he returns. So either way a trip back home is planned.
~~~
In the mean time...Little baby boy is growing fast and is almost out of his small diapers so I have some work to tend to. He's in the in-between stage, so he's not quite fitting the medium covers, but he's getting there! I have some sewing to get done while he's napping!

Winter vacation.

2009-12-23T13:01:00.000-08:00

Anthony is out of school, and Kevin took a little more than two weeks off for vacation. Anthony returns to school on the 4th, and Kevin to work on the 6th. I'm sure I'll be ready by Sunday for another return to the regularly scheduled program:)
***
Matthew is up to 9lbs 4 ozs. Yay! I'm still pumping to supplement. Mostly because he's still got a mouth full of thrush which feels like fire when he nurses. It was better for a while and then got worse again like overnight. He's still crying a lot, but he's not AS miserable as he has been. As long as he's gaining weight and doing alright, I'll deal with the other things. He's been waking up at night to nurse which is good. (Now I'm tired!)
***
Been trying to get back in to the groove of writing out a menu for us and planning out the chores and everything. That's the easy part. Sticking to it all is hard. Kevin likes to change things on a whim depending on how he's feeling. He's never been very good at sticking to a schedule:) I still try though!
There are other things I want to do, like get back to working on some of my projects, but those things are going to have to wait. With Matthew it's hard to get in anything extra besides the essentials. We'll get there eventually.

I have grand dreams. Dream big, right? :)

Random Sharing:)

2009-12-18T03:29:00.001-08:00

She's my little helper. Constantly on me, near me, by me, following behind me. I find her at the kitchen sink "washing" dishes, in the laundry room putting laundry in the washer (whether it's dirty or not), and at the kitchen stove on a stool (AH!) checking on my food. She wants to change diapers...but we're not quite there yet.

This is what it looks like outside this morning. Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezing cold. Not snow, but might as well be!

Below, little boy finally lost his cord stump so we've been rockin' the cloth diapers. The Pediatrician commented, "Oh these are WAY better than disposables. He won't get near as many diaper rash issues. And they're cute!"

I need to make more diapers. These small ones will probably last for another month, I'm guessing, and then he'll be into the mediums. From other cloth diapering mom's I've heard they last in the mediums for quite some time, so when I can I'm going to build up my stock a bit more.

Allergies and alternatives and all that jazz.

2009-12-17T05:42:00.000-08:00

So we've learned that Matthew has milk allergies. No big surprise there, but I don't know, I guess I was hoping for the best. Or living in denial. He's suffering from reflux and diarrhea, which is also giving him horrible red raw bottom and he had not gained any weight since being at the hospital. I think the lack of weight gain is because of the diarrhea. Poor guy. So once again I've cut milk out of my diet. It's not that big a deal, but initially you crave what you can't have. That part is annoying.

Kevin made a discovery in doing some research to try to get rid of the yeast issue we've been having. Coconut oil is antibacterial and anti-fungal, so we picked some up. So far it's helping me feel a little better. It has great soothing qualities. And it smells good:) Anyway, I mention it because I was craving a cookie and only had butter to bake with. (Yeah, I just bought 4 lbs of butter from Sam's and now I can't use it!) So after a little more browsing around the interweb I found out that you can substitute the coconut oil for what ever butter or oil you might have wanted to use otherwise. And it gives it a yummy extra flavor. It's not really sweet, but the essence of coconut comes out so you get this hint of sweetness with out the sugar. And that's good, too, since I'm trying to cut down on our sugar intake as well. (I discovered Agave nectar, btw. It is yummy! No weird after taste like veggie glycerine.)

So along with the allergies and yeast issues...he's sleeping mostly through the night! Great, you say! Not so much! Also a contributing factor to his lack of weight gain. Babies aren't supposed to sleep through the night. Especially breastfed babies. So I wake up engorged, while he sleeps peacefully. Don't get me wrong, the sleep is great! But I'm having to wake him up which is not so great. He gives me this look like "Are you nuts? You REALLY want me awake right now?" It's comical. I must say though...the combination of stuff I'm having to do to get him healthy is definitely making for a happier baby. He's not nearly as cranky. He'll actually be awake for an hour or so and NOT cry or wail the whole time. It's actually NICE.
***
Now...if I can only figure out what to do with the other two kids to make them happier and less cranky. Since Kevin has been gone this week all they seem to do is argue and cry over every little thing. Anthony even got in trouble at school the other day. Twice! Odd for him, since he's usually such a "good" kid. If this is any foretaste of what this coming deployment is going to be like...I think I might have to get myself some happy pills so I don't lose my mind:)

Grrrr

2009-12-11T16:38:00.000-08:00

THRUSH!

I knew this would happen....darn it. Every. Single. Child. I'm cursed or something, I swear.

I thought we'd get lucky this time. But I knew with the antibiotics this might happen. Was just hoping it wouldn't.

Getting back into a routine...

2009-12-08T15:11:00.000-08:00

It could take some time, but I'm feeling a real desire to have things back to "normal". Regular daily stuff with the kids, cleaning the house (actually looking FORWARD to that!), doing art and creating things again. Despite being up most of the nights with baby I've been trying to get back into the regular school routine with Anthony, getting him up and ready and seeing him off on the bus. It makes me feel better! I'm exhausted, and still healing, but it's good to be "back". I just have to remind myself to take it slow. Kevin has the word "GO" invisibly tattooed on his being as well so I have to remind him that I need to just sit still sometimes. These muscles ain't what they used to be!

Little Matthew is doing great. I do have to tell you...before now I always thought that cartoon versions of babies saying "Waaaaaaah" was sort of silly. But this little one literally says "Waaaaaaaaaah" when he cries. It's sort of comical sometimes.

Anyway...My mom left for home today. I'm missing her already. She was a great help while she was here, and I'm glad she got to spend a few days with Matthew before leaving. We took this picture at the airport while waiting for her to board the plane...
Isn't that great? :)

Celebrating Life.

2009-12-06T09:45:00.000-08:00

Amidst all the joy of welcoming Matthew into our family it hasn't left my mind a bit that we should celebrate every little person that comes into our life for however brief a time.

Two years ago Thomas was born quietly into our world and our family. We still talk about him quite a bit. He left that much of an impression on us. He touched Anthony in a very special way that will stay with him his whole life. I know with time Anthony will continue to grow and understand the situation more. He still feels, I think, that something unfair happened and his brother was "taken" from him. I remind him that they will always be brothers, and he'll be there waiting for him when Anthony gets to heaven. It helps a little.

When we were talking with the doctor about inducing me with Matthew, she mentioned that usually the hospital likes a weeks notice before inductions because of how busy they are. I would have been more than 42 weeks. I can't imagine! But the other thing that crossed my mind was that Matthew would have been born on the anniversary of Thomas' "birthday". It would have been bitter-sweet and odd for me, so I said a little prayer and asked for sooner. God heard me! Well, of course He did. I just hoped he would work things out for me and give me the strength I would need should I have had to wait until today to give birth. He's a merciful God.

The words of the nurse who tended to me when I went to the hospital with Thomas still stick with me and I find myself still feeling the same as I did then (slightly shocked and heartbroken at her words)...but with a little more clarity and understanding. She told me that I was young and beautiful and could have more babies. And as true as that was and still is, even with the birth of a beautiful new baby my heart still aches with that loss. We've added to our family. We haven't replaced anyone. I know she was trying to console me in some way, and I can appreciate that. I couldn't be happier to have Matthew! He's truly wonderful. I think perhaps I appreciate each of my children even more because of the loss of Thomas. And so in thankfulness to his life having drawn out in me a more grateful and appreciative outlook...I celebrate his little brief life today.

We have baby!

2009-12-02T05:33:00.000-08:00

Yay! So happy! Best early Christmas present ever!

Matthew Joseph was born at 11:16am yesterday. He weighed 7lbs 10 ozs, and he's 20 3/4 inches long. It went fast! Since we decided to induce (at 41 weeks and a day I was ready!) I spoiled myself with an epidural. It had me feeling so grateful for the knowledge of what childbirth without one was like. Funny huh? Even though I wasn't feeling pain I could still feel everything that was going on. Once things got going they went fast! He descended pretty quickly and once I was checked to be fully dilated even though I wasn't pushing he was coming! I tried my hardest not to sound desperate, but proclaimed he was coming and they better get the doctor quick. And then I did a lot of deep breathing so I wouldn't just naturally push:)

It was all great.

The only scare I had was when they gave me antibiotics for Strep B early in labor and I had an allergic reaction. I started coughing and couldn't figure out why. And then I started to itch. And then I started to itch REALLY BAD. I broke out between my fingers and on my palms, and started to have trouble breathing. I freaked out. Panic attack in full effect. It took less than five minutes from when they started the meds. Crazy scary. The nurse ran out to get the doctor and a bunch of people showed up and I got a nice big dose of Benydril. I hope to never repeat that experience.

If people hadn't been coming and going all night checking on us I would have gotten a pretty decent nights sleep:) Yes, I know how to nurse and change a diaper! All is well. Tomorrow I think we get to go home, which is good because I'm ready to get back into some routines. I'll share some more soon. For now I'm going to go back to staring at the cute little face that is watching me from the crib:)

Happy Post-Thanksgiving.

2009-11-27T09:22:00.000-08:00

It's been a bit since I've posted. I've just been preoccupied with ... life and stuff.

My mom is here. Kevin's mom arrived a couple days ago as well and made us a great big Thanksgiving meal. We also celebrated Anthony's 7th Birthday. Aside from a short visit to Labor and Delivery everything was lovely. I thought I was leaking, but apparently not!

I'm now nearly a week overdue with this little person. Every time someone asks how I'm doing I just want to cry. I'm thankful to be getting better from my sinus infection/flu things. But I'm very obviously overdue, and everything hurts like heck. It feels like there is a train parked on my pelvis, and every time he moves it feels like someone is using a jack-hammer on me. At this point I'm feeling that getting induced is inevitable. Monday I go back in if I haven't gone into labor, and we'll talk about what to do. I didn't want to be induced, but I feel like I'm going to be pregnant f.o.r.e.v.e.r. And in all honesty it would be helpful if I had the baby while my mom is here to help us with the other kids for a couple of days.

I got nothing else much to share right now. Sorry :( I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving, and I'll update again soon. (Hopefully about a new little person!)

Still pregnant, yessiree.

2009-11-11T14:16:00.000-08:00

Our little one is secure in his little spot. As much as the back labor and contractions have been going going going...he's giving no signs of really wanting to vacate the premises. The doctors are keeping a close eye now that it's so close to our due date. Babes is doing well. He's a wiggly-worm. Can't wait to be able to hold him and see those cute little knees that keep ending up in my ribs. Sooner rather than later, if you please.

This afternoon my blood pressure was up a little bit, and I'm running a bit of a low-grade fever. But they sent me home with instructions to go to Labor and Delivery if anything out of the ordinary goes on, or if I'm just really not feeling well. Of course I'm not feeling well (duh!). I'm really uncomfortable, hurting in places I wish I was still unaware of some days. Trying really hard not to catch every thing that the kids, (and Kevin), bring home. So far vitamins and rest seem to be doing the job.

I can't really complain too much. I'm just tired, ya know? I'd much rather be missing sleep because of diaper changes and nursing, though.

ANY DAY NOW, little person! :)

I'm getting to the end of my rope!

2009-11-06T13:14:00.000-08:00

I know this might seem contradictory to my last post but....I am in so much pain I almost can't stand it anymore. There is so much pain, and so much swelling, and so much pressure. This is worse than labor. Labor I could handle...the rest of this...UGH!

Lord have mercy.

Feeling empowered.

2009-11-02T05:32:00.000-08:00

I picked up some cd's called HypBirth for practicing hypnosis for labor and delivery. It's amazing what a little relaxation will do for you. Since listening to them I feel much more at peace, and with every contraction that happens even now, they are almost painless because I am cooperating with them rather than fighting "this thing that is happening to me".

The author has made some good points about labor. From the time we are little girls we hear horror stories about how labor and delivery is painful and horrible, and the only good thing about it is when it's over. We sort of get hypnotized into believing this and then live it out through our own experience. It's very true. With Anthony, not only was I afraid not knowing what to expect, but I had this vision in my head of how horrible it was going to be and things sort of played themselves out from there. Being induced with him didn't help either. Being induced made me feel even more out of control and like this thing was "happening" to me rather than me being cooperative in the process.

The fact that I feel like my pregnancies and births have become a learning experience, and a process of maturity...well it makes me feel more empowered. I know it sounds silly:) I'm very proud of me for the things I've gone through and learned from.

This little one is going to be one more wonderful learning experience.
~~~~
Isn't it interesting how not only are we called to teach our kids, but we're called to learn from them as well. I think with each one, I've discovered something new about myself that I didn't know was in me before.

Anyway, I'm off to get ready for my check-up and ultra-sound. Can't wait to see the little one:)

Friday. Thank goodness.

2009-10-29T18:52:00.000-07:00

Whew! I'm tired. All this getting up early makes me just want to lay in bed the rest of the day.

Thankfully we did Trick or Trunk at church on Sunday, and Anthony has another party thing going on at school today, so I've gotten out of having to haul the kids around trick or treating. Not that I'm a big fan of it anyway. I'm all for dressing up and having fun, but I'd much rather do it for said party at church than just wandering around neighborhoods I don't know. I'm not up for wandering around anyway. You'd have to roll me around, I'm hurting too much now!

Honestly I'm not feeling so hateful towards being pregnant as I did the last two pregnancies. Right about now I'd be cursing silently and wishing for the end. Instead I'm just feeling grateful for a semi-uneventful and safe and healthy pregnancy thus far. I'm ready to hold this little person and be able to thank God for a safe delivery. I'm just so grateful. As much as I complain that I'm tired, I really am thankful to be here! I'm looking forward to Monday when I have my next check-up and ultrasound. This time their just going to check his growth and position. He's very obviously head down with all the kicks I get to my ribs. I was still only dilated a little bit and effaced 30%, but "his head is RIGHT there", and he likes to let me know it too. He puts on foot on my ribs and pushes his head down. Makes me feel like I'm dying, but hey at least I know he's ready and in position!

Kevin left on Wednesday with stern warnings not to have the baby while he's gone. Not that I want to steal that from him, but I wouldn't mind too much. (I think for him this time a big part of it is that he doesn't want me to be alone.) I tend to stress a lot and hold back about things in general when I see him standing by with a very pained/concerned expression and not knowing what to do or how to help. So I guess in a sense I'd like to save him the uncomfortableness of it all. And me too. I've been practicing some self-hypnosis techniques for labor, like I did with Annie, hoping that things will just go easily. I know it sounds sort of psycho-babbly to talk about hypnosis, but the images and relaxation stuff really helped a lot. I'd love for things to go that way again, but we all know how unpredictable it is.

With Kevin gone for a while I feel like I should get something productive done. I'm going to focus on our room and bathroom. I need to do a thorough cleaning before people start showing up at my house too. My mom is coming, and Kevin's mom is coming for Thanksgiving and possibly his brother as well he said. The least I could do is vacuum. And clean the main bathroom and put laundry away....I'd much rather just go and take another nap:)

Most disgusting.

2009-10-25T05:55:00.000-07:00

You know...I've cleaned up some gross stuff. Bodily fluids are pretty gross.

But this one tops them all....

Kevin's bottle of chewing tobacco spit. Spilt on the carpet. *gag*

I was tempted to just cut the chunk of carpet out.

Never again.

Seriously....

2009-10-21T15:24:00.000-07:00

All I can say is....I am soooooo ready.

Every time I stand up I have a contraction. Which happens to be a lot since it seems like every 3 minutes one of the kids is yelling "MOM! I need you!!!!!"

Today the contractions have been on and off every couple of hours, only a few minutes apart during that hour or so. I'm more tired than anything. If I lay still long enough they stop. (I know...keep my feet up, drink lots of water, relax, stay down....) Last night they were every 7 minutes and would last about 30-40 seconds. My body is seriously reaaaaaaaaady. I figure give it until next week, when I'll be 36 weeks and then if he comes.....ok. Still a little early this week. So I'm trying to relax. Trying, being the key word.

I have an appointment on Monday. At my last appointment I was dilated to about 1 and 30% effaced. I'm pretty sure things have progressed a little. Maybe TMI, but I feel like the little one is stabbing my cervix. The contractions almost make me want to push and are extremely painful down there. I'm sure whatever doctor I see this time will check to see where things have progressed to. As long as my water doesn't break, and the contractions stop things should be fine. He's moving around significantly well for how little room is in there.

In the mean time...nothing is going on. Kevin got off work early today and decided to make a make our bunny a new hutch. (Still sorta scratching my head about that one...but ok!) I finished sewing 3 more diapers today. Anthony is doing well in school. Annie is just Annie. My brother has been working a lot and has made some friends. I'm glad about that, he needed someone outside our crazy walls:) Poor guy gets smothered by the kids sometimes. You literally have to peel them off of him. I keep telling him, "Just smack em! They'll let go!" Haha. They adore him, really.

Back to laying down. My laptop is getting serviced so that's part of why I've been so quiet. And just not much to share anyway. Hope everyone is well. I'll post again soon....

Not the most glamorous, but still.

2009-10-05T04:45:00.000-07:00

YouTube is good for something.

Like watching how to uninstall toilets. Something which my brother helped me to do last night. Mostly I handed out instructions while he did the heavy work. Such a great guy:)

I've just had enough of that stupid toilet in our bathroom. The handle kept breaking, which meant I had to keep fixing it. And it was running and running...it was almost like water torture. No, it was water torture. A while back Kevin and I had picked out and purchased a new one, and I was waiting for him to have the time to install it, but he's been so busy lately that when it could happen was anyone's guess. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and get on with it. So I Googled, and YouTubed everything I could find. Mostly I was just worried about ending up with a huge puddle of water on the floor, which actually didn't happen at all. It was fairly uneventful as far as taking out a toilet can be. It wasn't even that dirty. You'd think a twenty something year old toilet would be sorta nasty underneath, but the grossest part was the little bit of wax left in the drain. It didn't even smell.

So now, while my brother is gone at work today I'm going to remove the base boards and the old linoleum and put down the pretty tiles that I got yesterday. Hopefully we'll be able to put in the new toilet when he gets home.

(It's pretty heavy, so I'm not going to try to lift it! )

Busy bee!

2009-10-03T07:27:00.000-07:00

There are so many things on my mind. I've got too many ideas and too many projects that I want to get started and get finished. I feel like I walk in circles and get nothing done:) Which is partly true. At least I manage to get meals made and children dressed and taken care of.

I still have to

Finish off the wipes I made
Add/make a few more diapers to the stash so we don't run out
Make a wet bag for when we're out
Make a few crib sheets
Make some leggies to wear with the cloth dipes
Finish off the hooded towel
Fix the bottom drawer of babies dresser
Replace the toilet in our bathroom because it's acting up once again...and I can't plan on Kevin being able to have the time to do it and I'm sick and tired of the stupid handle breaking repeatedly.

And then there are projects for my shop I want to do...
Burlap bags
A couple pillows that need finishing
Two other embroidery projects
Finish up a couple more artist pencil rolls

But all I really want to do is sit around and watch the kids do more of this....

....'cause they are entertained and I don't have to do anything:)

32 weeks.

2009-09-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

Woah. So big. So tired.
Almost there!
Got the car seat yesterday. (Thanks dad!)Annie thinks it's a cool toy for her dolls. She cracks me up. She's been using the diapers I've made to change her baby dolls too. So funny.

Feeling generally out of it.

2009-09-25T09:34:00.000-07:00

The kids won't stop touching me, and being generally full of bologna. The moments that they aren't testing my patience are few and far between. A lot of it has to be my being so tired and worn out all the time, I'm sure. Kevin is gone for a couple weeks again, to Indiana this time. With him gone I feel like I'm going to forget something vital--like paying an important bill or something like that. My memory is shot, and I keep writing things down and misplacing my lists.

Thankfully my brother is here to remind me of things, and play referee with the kids. I would have missed my prenatal appointment this morning if he hadn't woken me up after I lay back down for a minute after I showered and dressed. Ended up sleeping for a good 40 minutes rather than the 4 or 5 I planned on. Oops! Feeling really annoyed with my doctors office, so I wasn't really looking forward to going. I see a different doctor every time. I waited around for about an hour before I even saw the doctor and then it was for only a few minutes. I'm praying for a quick and easy delivery that requires little doctor involvement since I don't know who will even be there for the delivery.

Thank God this pregnancy has been fairly uneventful. May the remaining time pass quickly.

Funny stuff.

2009-09-22T13:20:00.000-07:00

I was relaxing in my bed the other night watching the award show and snacking on a piece of Key Lime pie when Annie came in.

She hopped up on the bed beside me and said "MMmmm, lets dig in!"

And then she whipped out a spoon from behind her back with a big grin and took a scoop right out of the middle of my pie.

Not only did she assume I would share, but she brought her own utensil. Gotta love it.

Thankfully it's Friday.

2009-09-18T10:25:00.001-07:00

I'm just glad this week is over. It's just been one of those weeks.
~~~
Some random things to end this week....
Annie hates wearing her eye patches, but it's one of those necessary things. Those sticky ones were tearing up her face, though, and I had to find an alternative. So I made the alternative. The one above, I made yesterday for her. And this one below I just finished. Options are good. It even fits on my glasses *l* so a little bribery can be used if necessary. ("I'll wear a patch if you do too!")

She seems to be getting a lot of home-made hand made things lately. She's going through a growth spurt among other things. She was out of all of her pajamas so I made her these ones.
My brother pointed out that they look very Sound of Music-ish. I didn't really pick up on that until he mentioned it, but he's right:)
~~~
Around the little homestead...
I'm still waiting for my watermelon to ripen. Some sort of wild-life found the cantaloupe and ate off of them. Maybe next year we'll get a fence up around the garden to prevent that from happening.
Anyway...I'm hoping that this thing will ripen so I don't just have to throw it out. We'll see I guess.

Little Lady can See!!!

2009-09-15T13:34:00.000-07:00

She keeps looking around at things and holding them up to look at. It's so cute.

Another week down. Yay!

2009-09-11T19:27:00.000-07:00

I'm exhausted. Bet ya didn't know huh? I've only been saying that everyday for the last month or so. I truly apologize. I try not to complain. Too much.

This week went by pretty smoothly. We got Anthony all signed up for Cub Scouts. He's pretty excited about that. The group is really active, which is really nice because he needs good friends and good male role models. The group leader is a cool guy. He has four or five boys and is very into Scouts and getting the boys to have fun, even at his own expense. It'll be especially good for Anthony once Kevin is gone on deployment. In other Anthony news, he's doing really well at school. Bored, I think, but excelling in everything he does. He's in the advanced reading group and gets all his spelling words correct on tests, etc. Not that the words are hard. He's way more advanced than what she is teaching. I think he's frustrated with how simple everything is. He tells me he spends a lot of time waiting around for other people to be quite so they can learn things. Fun. The other day he pointed out that he asked his teacher to teach him something, and she said she would...and then she didn't. The poor boy is having to get used to the fact that she doesn't have time for that with so many other kids in class.

Homeschooling is still very much on my mind...

In other news...
Annie had an appointment with the Ophthalmologist this week. She is going to be getting glasses, likely this upcoming week as they had to be sent out to be made. She has the Strabismus in her right eye that causes her to look cross eyed. Her vision in that eye is pretty bad and her glasses will be pretty thick. She has to wear a patch over her good eye for a couple hours every day to help the bad eye to readjust. Hopefully we haven't caught it too late, and the glasses and everything will help her to see better quickly.

It was pretty amazing that when we tried the correct prescription on her...her eyes automatically corrected themselves instantly. She was looking straight which she hasn't done in quite some time now. I almost cried, I was so happy for her!

With it being so apparent that something is off with her vision, I've noticed that other people notice something is a bit off. I never thought I'd have to feel defensive about something like that about my child. She has no control over it. No one is mean, they just look at her with that look, ya know. But her personality doesn't let them get away with it for long. She's so outgoing...she talks your ear off. About everything. She tells stories and is so sweet people get past her "funny eye" pretty quickly.

Anyway...after her glasses get here she'll have monthly visits at the ophtomologist to check her vision and see what the progress is, and frequent changes of prescriptions in her lenses as things change. She was so patient for the initial appointment-- 2 and a half hours long! Such a trooper.

I love my kids. They make me so proud.

Prepping for babe.

2009-09-07T06:41:00.000-07:00

~~~
Now...where is my brain?

And why does my phone wait until now to tell me people called on Friday???
Hrm.

Ever get thrown off?

2009-09-04T04:46:00.000-07:00

I do. Mostly by people who treat others in a condescending manner. Not only does it make one feel like they aren't worthy of respect (if you have any sort of foot in the "reality" door enough to know when someone is being condescending towards you), but it's just plain rude. And painful to witness. Being condescending says a lot more about you, I think, than about the person your are being condescending towards. Perhaps they are uneducated, or curious, or trying to educate themselves. That still doesn't make it ok to treat someone disrespectfully.

Maybe I'm just naive...but when someone is condescending towards me, or someone close to me, it makes me forget all about what I was questioning or wondering about and think ,"Why are you so mean? Does it make you feel better to treat others like they're stupid for not knowing something?" I would never wish wrong upon someone, but I firmly believe that people who treat others in a condescending manner will get their come-up'ns in one way or another.

It makes me think back to when I was in school, and a big reason why I never asked questions. People treated me like I was stupid if I didn't know something already. How was I supposed to know if I didn't ask? But...I stopped asking because I got treated like I was stupid a lot. Now I just try not to take it personally when people treat me that way. And I'm figuring out that it's not necessarily true, this saying: There are no stupid questions, just stupid answers. If someone tells you the answer in a manner that is disrespectful of your dignity...well then I think it could be a stupid answer. Or maybe just a stupid person that you asked for an answer from.

That said...someone threw me off yesterday and it was still bothering me. Just in case you were curious what that rant was about:)
~~~

Now all that aside, aren't you glad it's Friday? I am!

It's been a long week. Getting Anthony up and out the door to meet the bus on time is tiring. 5:45 is the best time to for waking him, I'm finding, because otherwise having to deal with his crabbiness is just too much to make it out to meet the bus on time. I think we've found our groove though. I started on Monday to read to him from the Children's Bible, and when I have to stop to finish getting him ready for school he is truly disappointed. He asks for more. It's really a nice way to start the day, and it puts him in a better mood. We're reading the story of creation, and he's loving it. And asking tons of questions. It's gives him something to think about, and when he comes home from school he often has something tell me that occurred to him about what we read that morning. I'm liking it. Just not how early it has to happen.
~~~
I'm very tired. I feel like I'm living in a daze sometimes. It's been hard to get rest. This pregnancy has been the easiest so far, but it's not without uncomfortable times. Now that we're into the last trimester those uncomfortable times are...most of the time! The pain in my pelvis that I had with my second pregnancy has hit with a huge force. I finally discovered that it's not just in my head and other people have it too. And it has a name! Pubic Symphysis. (Sorry to any guys out there reading this...maybe TMI.) Basically a softening of the pelvic bones and muscles in prep for labor and delivery. Some women just have extreme cases of it. Unfortunately laying down, which you think would make it better, makes it a hundred times worse because it's like it atrophies and allows it to soften even more. I've read that sometimes it has to do with a breech baby, or the baby's head resting at an odd position over your pelvis. But in my case...no. It's just the way it is. Apparently physiotherapists can realign your pelvic plates to help with pain, but no one wants to work on a pregnant women so most women go untreated and standard treatment is "take two tylenol", a wheel chair, crutches to help with walking. My doctor just shrugged at me and said it's just part of pregnancy, and to get a girdle. Thanks! I could have told you that!

Last night when I turned over in bed my pelvis actually popped. Like when you pop your back. So painful. I almost cried.

I won't give up on some sort of help though. With the last pregnancy the pain lasted a good 6 or 8 months even after giving birth so I know it's not going away anytime soon. At least I know what to expect. I'm sure there is a solution out there somewhere...

I think I'll go make something. At least that will keep me distracted from it for a little bit:)

Around and About.

2009-08-30T06:40:00.000-07:00

Friday I had my prenatal checkup. Everything looks great. I also got to have a 3-D ultrasound, which was amazing. I didn't have one with any of the other kids! I got a disk with some clips and pictures...but for some reason I can't view the videos on my laptop, which is where I usually blog from. I may have to use the other Mac to see if I can upload them to my blog. I know the grandma's would love to see those. They really are cute. The little one weighs 2 lbs and 11 ozs. He's 28 weeks on Tuesday. He's opening his eyes too which was really neat to see.
I'm really excited to meet this little one. He seems so much different from the others. He's very calm, and seemed very content when we were watching him. I've mentioned before that the others did gymnastics in utero, but he just sort of seems to hang out and be totally chilled all the time. I keep joking that he's probably one of those silent but deadly types. We'll just have to wait and see!

Kevin is out of the state again training until the end of this week, so I've been staying overly busy. He left on Wednesday. Or maybe it was Thursday. I can't remember. For some reason it's very distracting when he leaves and so I get busy doing way more than I ever would if he was around. I think part of that is I try to involve him when he's home, so I go at a slower pace:) Anyway. This weekend I didn't want to just sit around doing nothing, and I didn't really feel like doing any sort of arts and crafts. I needed a break. So my brother and I packed the kids up and went back to Wilmington for the better half of yesterday. We checked out a couple of thrift stores (they were ok, but WAY over priced), and stopped at a Harris Teeter grocery store which is a grocery store like I'm used to! They had a great deli, so we grabbed some sandwiches and went to the park for a picnic. It was really nice. The kids love that park. When we were living down there in Wilmington waiting for the house to close we went there at least once or twice a week to let them play.

Annie was hilarious to watch. She'd introduce herself to everyone and say "Come on! Let's play!"

~~~This afternoon I'm going to pick up a Pack n Play crib from someone off of Lejeune Yard Sales. She said she only used it once, so that's pretty cool. I like things cheap and new:) I'm slowly adding to the little baby "supply". Nothing too crazy, though. Just the bare essentials. I'm sure more "stuff" will accumulate over time.

We're off to church soon, so I gotta get the kids going! Have a great week.

Struggling and unsure.

2009-08-28T17:18:00.000-07:00

I haven't shared a lot of my struggle with putting Anthony in public school lately. It's something that has really really been on my mind a lot. Mostly because I've been so unsure that it was the right thing to do. This might come out all gibberish...mostly because I'm having trouble thinking in complete thoughts...but I'll do my best to lay it all out. I'd love some input from out there in the big wide world.

First, I'm not a total anti-public school person. I went to public school for many years before I graduated early. From my experience I learned that I think I would have done much better at homeschooling because I had a personality that didn't quite fit into the public school system. I also learned to "just get along" because I was forced to. It's not a bad thing necessarily.

Anyway...I had really wanted to put Anthony into the Catholic School because he would get the goods that come with that-- daily catechesis, daily prayer, a God-focused education. But money and other issues kept that from happening. I have to admit, I've been very exhausted and having some help to motivate him to do something other than play games and watch tv was appealing in just sending him where ever. But I worried about him being sensitive, because he's very sensitive about everything, and I worried about the atmosphere he would be in at school. Which I might add was not so far off from what I witnessed the other day when I drove him to school and walked him to class. A line of about 40 kids sitting on the floor along the wall with one stern looking lady telling them all to be quiet or they'd get sent to the principles office. All I could think was "what am I doing???" I understand there has to be order...The whole thing is just painful for me.

There's just a lot of things that bother me. He gets on the bus at 7:15am. And then he comes home at 3:30pm when the bus drops him off looking a little foggy eyed and in a hurry to get in the house and tune out. I feel like I'm losing him. Maybe that sounds dramatic.

This evening...I can't recall what we were discussing...but he told me that when we die we go out into the cosmos?!?! Uh, no! I've taught him better than that. He's so easily influenced by "outside" forces that frankly it scares the c**p out of me.

I feel like I'm obligated to stick it out and see if things get better somehow. Very much wanting to start homeschooling again though. He was learning so fast, doing so much and doing so well. And he didn't have that blank-foggy-eyed look.

Input?

Keeping busy!

2009-08-27T16:40:00.001-07:00

Annie is exceptionally busy. And if she isn't busy, she wants to be busy. I've been doing some simple preschool things with her to keep her occupied. She misses Anthony a lot when he's at school. Most of the time she's good at entertaining herself. Playing pretend is something that comes naturally to her. Not so with Anthony. I have to teach him how to play. So in that way she's easier than he was. But on the opposite side of that...she needs busy work. In the mean time...I'm a little tired. A nap sounds really nice right about now.

My brother helped me to finally finish scraping down all the wallpaper in my room. This is one of the rare occasions when I don't really care how messy my room is...I'm just glad that that part of the work is over!
Doesn't it look tiny?

That's because it is. At least it isn't dark anymore though!

Baby check up tomorrow.

Foggy minded, but still here!

2009-08-23T16:34:00.000-07:00

If only being foggy minded would be like permission to check out for a while! I feel like I can't think straight lately. It's bothering me a little.

This weekend we went for a little trip to Raleigh. I love it there. It's a cute town, with lots of things to do. It reminded me a lot of Santa Rosa and Sonoma County. At some point I would love to go back and look around more. It's hard with the kids and all though. They are in a hurry to get their hands on something. Or they're just on their own program altogether. But I still enjoyed seeing something outside of Jacksonville. There are lots of shops that looked really fun. I like browsing.

Our first stop was my favorite grocery store. I stocked up man!And on our way out of town, we found an old Krispy Kreme and stopped for a snack.

How cool is that sign?
~~~
This week I have a huge list of things I want to get done around here. Cleaning up, cleaning out, trying to get some projects finished. I've been really caught up with my little shop and I need to focus on the things around here a little too. So I might be quiet on here for a bit.

I hope everyone has a great week though! Anthony's first week of school, too, so we'll be busy with that as well!

On how large appliances can eat you up.

2009-08-20T02:19:00.000-07:00

First they tease you with one little thing...Like the ice maker won't work.

Then, they annoy you by defrosting the entire freezer, sending Popsicle juice flowing freely across your floor. But you can't get too upset because the meat is still semi-frozen, and the milk is still cold. No matter how much you think turning it off and then on again will fix it, you're just fooling yourself. The milk was only cold because it was next to the meat that was previously in the freezer.

Darn it. The whole thing just pooped out. Thankfully we have a deep freezer in the laundry room. I decided it was a good time to turn it on so we didn't lose everything.

I met Kevin at Sears when he got off work and we started our search. We soon discovered that (thankfully) our choices were limited because as much as you might need a refrigerator, they aren't necessarily going to have one for you to take home. They order them for you, and you have to wait. In the mean time, what do you do with all the warming food? Good question. I didn't think that far ahead. This is one of those times when the home warranty doesn't cover what you need. Darn it, again. It's that darn fine print that gets you every time. Anyway...after an hour or so of going over things at Sears, we then moved down the list. BestBuy, Home Depot, Lowes. It seemed the only thing that was available was smaller, black, or waaaaaaaay too expensive. So we went back to the beginning. Good ol' Sears. "What's on clearance that we can take home today?" The choices were great. A brand new french door, freezer on the bottom, floor model. Or an open box/returned, french door, freezer on the bottom that they weren't sure of the return reason.

We went with the brand new, clearance, plus 5% off floor model. At this point, I was tired and achy, and didn't care what color it was. I wanted to go home.
So, at 11pm we finally had a new fridge hooked up. It's stainless steal. Which is neat. No one tells you that all your finger prints will show on it though. Oh well.

Melted ice cream anyone?

2009-08-19T12:46:00.000-07:00

I got up this morning and went to get a glass of cold water from the fridge and got more than I expected. I gush of cold water out of the ice maker. What the heck???

The freezer defrosted. Everything melted. For some reason, I wasn't surprised. Just annoyed. I got my feet all wet! And I wasn't even awake yet!

We'd already been looking around at fridges for a while. But we just didn't see a good enough reason to go and spend that money yet. Of course now that we've spent a bunch of money on other things the need is there. That's the way the ice melts though, isn't it? Kevin will enjoy shopping. He's a shopper.

In other kitchen adventures, I just read yesterday about how you can tile over laminate counter tops. It sounds really cool. And I would do it in a heart beat. But that would be one more project on the house started...that I probably wouldn't be able to finish on my own. I've been very annoyed by the fact that our kitchen has no backsplash at all. It makes for lots of greasy messes to clean up behind the stove, and at the sink. I really don't want to ruin the walls, so something needs to be done about it. I was even thinking about doing what some commercial kitchen designers do which is attach sheets of stainless steel to the wall as a backsplash. I think it would be cool, but it wouldn't match anything. It would solve the problem of ruining the wall though, and would be faster and easier to do than trying to tile the entire kitchen. It's a big kitchen after all. I'm still mulling it all over. I know Kevin really wants tile on the counter tops so we might have to plan it out and do a little at a time.

Anyway....Back to the fridge. I hope we can find one that will fit right! Wish us luck.

Little Lady Covers Up.

2009-08-16T16:29:00.000-07:00

I sewed some more bloomers for my little lady. She's sort of a hammy model.
They look really cute under her dresses. The bottoms peek out every so often. And they do the job of keeping her covered...Like when we were at church this morning and she was doing gymnastics on the pew. I guess being lady-like takes lots of practice.

This made me laugh....

2009-08-14T05:43:00.000-07:00

SAHMs---What do you DO all day?

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a Cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'

She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?'

'Yes,' was his incredulous reply.

She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it."

it's dark and gloomy out.

2009-08-12T12:41:00.000-07:00

It's raining, and storming. And the water is right at the foot of the front porch. There's a good 4 or 5 inches there. I was debating going to the fabric store and the book store, but there's a ton of water! I made the mistake of leaving the car windows open last night and it poured inside the car. Thankfully I think most of it dried up before it started to pour again this afternoon. I'm hoping it doesn't mildew in there. That would be so nasty. Especially since I take it in on Friday for the repairs I mentioned a while back to be done. Fingers crossed. It's very green out, though. That's nice. If only it would stop raining and cool off a little.

In the mean time, I'm sewing up a storm of my own. Trying to add to the diaper supply before baby gets here. I've started a few that are the next size up from the newborn size. It's good to be prepared, right? And I just know the first thing on my mind once he's born is going to be sewing diapers! *insert sarcasm* I distinctly remember changing diapers, nursing and trying to sleep being just about all you do for the first couple months. It hasn't been THAT long since a baby was in the house. So anyway, these ones I've made are fleece. According to the diaper forum that I joined fleece is extremely good at wicking away moisture. Some of the ladies even claim that their kids go all night without needing a change. I don't know about that, but it sounds good to sleep deprived mommy doesn't it???